Not sure what the challenge was, but…there you are. A couple of typos in that first paragraph were distracting, and her dialogue sounds like she’s ESL (English as second language).
Overall though, fun, naughty, amusing little idea.

thanks THX, edited

This requires a mature tag. Don’t move? How boring.

damn character limit. i could not fit in more than “don’t move”

lean over
nice ass
love you
so hot
Just some other phrases you could try ;)

Or, you could focus more on the bathroom scene and less on the bar.
But it is a close space, and two people are in it, so it qualifies. :)

lol Elsha… or maybe “I’m Dan.” or “be gentle” or “be rough!”

Not bad, but I agree that he could’ve said something more interesting.

i give in. i’ll change his words if you agree to rate it higher.

Damn! I loved ’don’t move.’ Anyone can be complimentary; takes a certain kinda someone to be commanding.

that’s exactly what i had in mind. but it seems my domineering nature is not always appreciated. and just because of that i’m giving myself 5 pencils

hahahaha! “Insert your own phrase here” because you can’t please everyone. Don’t move worked, she probably couldn’t in the small space, anyway. He just didn’t seem like the commanding type, gently whispering not to get something pink to drink. ;)

And it seems she initiates..

dominant all the way. but considerate. don’t want to embarrass the waitress.

If I don’t want her to move, I’ve got rope, tape, and restraints. “Don’t move” is reserved for when I’m feeling lazy or between stages. Yeah, you gotta be considerate. So here ya go, re-rated.

it was a quickie after all. no time for rope and spreader bars. “Don’t move” seemed appropriate.

Nicely done! Haha, kinda made me laugh.

my first feature. yay me!

Of all the stories in your oeuvre to be featured!

Its no use telling people to get a bed…is there? lol/ Wham bam thank you mam.
5 pencils for taking it all the way….

Whoa a bit strange You could write reviews for Porno sites ! (joke)

With all these comments and being featured, I’m surprised not one single person has called you to task on promoting unprotected amorous sex! For shame, Pyropunk! For shame! :)

I didn’t get a chance to read the story before the edits, but it seems like “don’t move” fit the situation. Sex with strangers is akward enough, and it’s even harder to smooth talk while trying to get it on in the ladies restroom.

BTW, congrats on being featured!

who said it was unprotected?

It was good!