I love the description in this ficly. The colors of the snow drifts is perfect, as are the thoughts going through your characters head. The only feedback I can offer is that the sentence toward the end, “As cold as… to sweat” slowed me down… I think it’s the punctuation. I had to read it two or three times before it flowed for me. Other than that, I love it!

reminds me a of a game my sister and I used to play.

Nancy, yeah there’s sort of a thought inside a thought there..

Pyro, a travel game, or a video game?

Wow, my bus in elementary school was like that everyday, and in middle school especially. It caused so much anxiety in the morning lol.

I love the descriptions you used when she fell. Also, the part where you call it a “strange bus” stands out and I don’t know why, but that also adds to the fact that it takes place during the colder months.

This conjures up many emotions and visuals, great job!

travel game, whenever my mom (usually) drove around a corner I would fall on top of her and had to stay there until the next corner in the other direction when she fell on top of me.

oh and i liked the way you used mostly short words to give it that cramped feeling.

I liked the first half better than the second half, but I like the idea for the challenge, nothing bizarre or outlandish, just one of the ways real life can leave you feeling kind of cramped.

yeah I liked the first half better too :)