nice role reversal. the dialogue is a bit choppy but i get the gist.

Good job. I think if you revise another time or two you’ll get all five pencils.

Good job. I think if you revise another time or two you’ll get all five pencils.

There you go. I revised a little bit. The idea was for the dialogue to be a little choppy, but I guess it was too much. Hope it’s better now. :) Thanks for your feedback!

The choppy dialog makes this story. I felt the frustration, the anxiousness, and anxiety of it all; of wanting to talk it through, but being cut off; of wanting a resolution, but getting an argument; of wanting someone to recognize how they hurt you; a simple sorry with no ‘buts’; just wanting to have a relationship with someone because you love them.

But then again, maybe I’m just reading too much into this, because of my own personal experience.