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QuackDamnYou

Joined August 2009 and calls Simple Question, Complicated Answer home.

32 stories, 3 challenges, 98 comments, and 6 friends

I am a nerd who loves to write, tinker, star gaze, navel gaze, plan for Armageddon, and raise remarkably strong-willed, inquisitive children in the company of the only woman who laughs at enough of my jokes.

Stories

  1. Unpresidented

    “Father!” Called Thomas, his voice hoarse, his eyes blindfolded. “I’m here, son,” I reassured him, holding back the panic that gripped me. I crossed the threshold, my eyes darting left and right. A dark shape lunged for me...

  2. DIY (Mature)

  3. Worse than Morlocks

    After departing on my second trip into Futurity, I watched as once more my house faded away around me, and Richmond blurred under the flickering glow of the passing sun. By the time I had passed once again into the Age of Great Buildings, a fancy struc...

  4. Sniff

    “Fourteen,” I said. “Really?” Commented my handler. “Yep.” “Wow. How about that one?” He indicated a blond haired woman. “None.” “Huh. How does she…” “I don’t kno...

  5. The Girl on the Sidewalk

    Melissa trudged along, her burden slung from both of her shoulders. As she walked a sort of hypnotic pattern of click-clack, click-clack nearly lulled her into the complacency of stopping and looking for a taxi. She grimaced and shifted the weight upwa...

  6. Finite existence

    A tiny point. Nothing. Matter began to expand. Galaxies formed and died. In a beautiful and non-remarkable spiral galaxy, a strange thing called “life” happened on a little blue planet. Cells formed, divided. Invertebrates emerged. A strang...

  7. One (Mature)

  8. Tours (Mature)

  9. Going nuts (or raisins)

    I was placed on paid administrative leave, as the regulations dictate. My first day off I went jogging. I passed a Subway. Subway has really good cookies, but I didn’t stop. Also standard procedure for fatal shootings is a psychological review. I...

  10. Dietary choices

    I was standing there reading the nutritional facts on the back of the box of cookies and calculating how far I’d have to jog to work them off. How would it have ended if I’d taken the jug of milk directly to the checkout? I heard a crash, a...

  11. The Princess Bride in 10 words

    Wesley sojourns, brigand returns. Death? As you wish. Miracle rescue!

  12. It's more sporting this way

    “Gettin’ kinda late,” commented Rob into the silence. “Yeah,” replied Tate. “Not likely to see any action,” declared Rob. “Nope.” Rob started to stand up from his forest-camouflage green chair. Just...

  13. Argument (Mature)

  14. Doo doo dee

    “If you’d like to make a call please hang up and try again,” said the droning female voice. “I know that’s you, Jill. You don’t sound like the real operator lady.” “I don’t have anything to say to y...

  15. Three dealer night (a true poem) (Mature)

  16. Excellent!

    I came to hear the band today. I couldn’t have known what would happen. Two guys in a phone booth took me to save the world. Did it work?

  17. Masks and showmanship

    “This one is positively crispy, Bob. I don’t know how he’s going to beat it.” “Well Ed, El Gastoro has risen to the challenge, He’s slicing it in half with his fork!” “The crowd loves it! For those of you...

  18. Nitency

    “A curious contraption, isn’t it?” “The nitency of it is remarkable! The quarrymen must have piled a hundred of those boulders in the road and it pushed them aside just like they’d been a child’s marbles.” R...

  19. Land ho?

    “You’ll make it next time, I’m sure,” I assured Howard, handing him a steaming cup of tea. “Sure, if I can get another plane,” he croaked. “This wasn’t your fault, you don’t control the weather. Nob...

  20. Extinction averted

    “That thing is ugly,” said Josh. “But they’re so cute! Look at the way he walks!” Gushed Mary. “So what am I supposed to feed it?” Sighed Josh. “Two scoops of this every morning, and he likes a piece of f...

  21. Red Horse Rainbows (Clutch)

    The stone steps ticked under my shoes as I ascended the tower. My torch flickered. I paused for breath; I could just make out the distant sounds of battle. I forged on. At the top, I saw my Master, and fell to my knees. “Oh, Lord, it is true! I h...

  22. Deep thinking

    Why is my universe like a sphere with flat ends? Why do I have a castle, but no queen? Why does my food appear from the air every morning? Why does my face itch? Why can’t I move? Why is that green thing picking me up? Why do I feel so heavy now?...

  23. Escaping the gravity well

    Atop a tower of steel and frozen oxygen, I wait. The mad dash to the moon holds nothing to mankind’s cooperation in preparing this mission. For two years rocket after rocket has been lifted into orbit by every national space agency and private en...

  24. Ingredients

    “Man, this is boring.” “Don’t worry man, we’re almost there.” “You said that when we were in that cryogenic storage tank.” “Trust me, man, it’s worth it.” “I didn’t ask for t...

  25. A weekend trip

    I’d been riding the shortcuts for years. I loved the fact that I could get from the city to my cabin in the mountains in just a few minutes. In the summer, I would do it almost nightly. Once I met Sue, I decided to take her up there. She didnR...

  26. Global Deployment Day

    “That’s it, the last of the gravity dampeners is on-line,” said the Director of Operations, putting down the phone. “All systems are green,” confirmed the Master Controller. The camera crews bristled. A dozen sets of busy ...

  27. It takes a village

    “Hi, have you seen any rechargeable triple-A batteries?” I shifted awkwardly, trying to balance my daughter in one hand and the large, heavy bag in the other. The clerk dashed over to the rack where I’d just been standing. “Seem...

  28. Sail on

    The raft made a squeaking sound. It was constantly making that sound, and it was driving me crazy. It had been since the first day, thirty-seven days prior. Every movement, every thought, punctuated by that irritating peep. I kicked it. It squeaked. Th...

  29. Speed Enforced by Aircraft

    Sweat dripped from my brow. My eyes darted back and forth between the car’s speedometer and the burned-out wrecks which lined the deserted highway. Nobody had tried to drive the gauntlet in months, but I needed to get to Seattle. There was a guy ...

  30. Sandwiches (Mature)

QuackDamnYou's Friends (6)

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