My partner’s first assignment in his new writing class was to write a story on “How to eat an apple”. He asked me what I would have written. My quarry would have been an apple pie. I then went into detail how I was a hunter in a grocery store sneaking up on a fresh apple pie hiding among all those fancy breads and specialty croutons. I won’t go into how I slaughtered the poor thing with a vicious weapon found in housewares, it’s warm juices bleeding all over the place, a “wet floor” sign had to be put out, like a crime scene.

So, your challenge:

Stalk your food, vegan style. Go hunting. Proudly show off your stuffed head-o-lettuce, drink a glass full of blood from an orange, kidnap some baby peas. Get into the meat of it!