NORTH POLE (FP) – After a week long investigation, authorities have arrested Kris Kringle, also known as Santa Claus and St Nicholas, on charges of promoting prostitution and corruption of a minor. An official source told the Ficly Press that an international coalition came together after a series of intercepted letters between Mr. Kringle and a minor known only as “Alfonso”. The minor had requested to be provided a date for a dance from Mr. Kringle, since he had been on Mr. Kringle’s “Nice” list. Mr. Kringle then manipulated a female minor on his “Naughty” list to engage in sexual relations with the male minor. Mr. Kringle is scheduled to appear before the magistrate on Tuesday.
Through his attorney, Santa released a statement to the press. “I have let my family down and I regret those transgressions with all of my heart. I have not been true to my values and the behavior my family deserves. I am not without faults and I am far short of perfect.”