Dying in the crowd

Avatar Author: Chad Wright I'm a husband and father living in Austin, Texas and hustling every day to help others. I own ImageStudios.tv where I do photography, design and writing. Read Bio

The crowd surged around him as if it had a life of its own. As if it wasn’t a group of thousands of people but was one huge, pulsing life form.

It pushed him from side to side. He let the flow carry him from cart to cart through the market.

So this is where I’ll die.

He tried to look interested in the fish being offered.

Will these same people be back tomorrow? Will they know I died here?

Probably workers would come by and wash his blood from the cobblestones below. A squad would interview witnesses and in a few days no one would know what transpired here.

At least that’s the plan.

Then he saw them.

A dozen meters away, two men stared at him through the roiling crowd. He looked at them with resolve, accepting his fate.

He barely heard the gun shot before the white hot pain erupted from his chest. As he fell to the ground, the searing pain wrapped itself around his mind.

I hope this works.

And then the pain swallowed him completely.

He lay still, rivulets of blood slowly flowing away.

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Comments (8 so far!)

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  1. Avatar iLive The Avant-Garde Way

    Really a great job here! I think the imagery and diction could not be any better!

  2. Avatar ElshaHawk (LoA)

    how did he know? this needs a prequel.
    Welcome to Ficly, if you haven’t been welcomed already.

  3. Avatar kaellinn18

    I’m with Elsha, this definitely needs a prequel. And a sequel! Wonderful descriptions and internal monologue. I see you joined several months ago but only recently started writing. Welcome aboard!

  4. Avatar Chad Wright

    @iLived Thanks.

    @ElshaHawk Thanks for the welcome. I like it when authors drop the reader into the middle of the action and explain things as they go along. Not sure where this one goes, though.

    @kaellinn18 I used to use Ficlets and had honestly forgotten about Ficly until yesterday when I was in the mood to write some shorts.

  5. Avatar D.S. Aly

    whoa, I agree. Prequel!

  6. Avatar Lady Bug

    Very Nice… Very nice indeed

  7. Avatar Nathaniel Payne

    Love the flow and pacing. Beautifully crafted. The story really hangs on that one phrase “I hope this works.” Unlike others who want a prequel, I’m rather looking forward to seeing where this goes from here. :)

  8. Avatar Abby (LoA)

    Well done…
    Agree fully with all comments above. Good use of italics and wonderful spacing.
    Flowing, nice imagery, excellent vocab.
    Think that’s it – no issues. 5+
    PREQUEL!
    Abby x