ISOLATION

Avatar Author: J. A. Keane J. A. Keane has spent the majority of his 19 years trying to act like a somewhat normal member of modern society, but seeing as nobody else seems to be acting normal these days (which basically makes the entire concept of... Read Bio

SHIP LOG #000237—D:02/08/2085—TIME:-22:05pm(EST)

“Hello, computer. It’s me, again. Well, obviously. Who else is there around here? Unless Kevin Bacon got invisible and sneaked onto the ship, but I think that’s unlikely, don’t you?”

PAUSE

“Well, everything is still going well. The food supply is still plentiful – good thing I’m not a fat bastard, isn’t it? – and the oxygen levels are staying leveled out, so I’m still breathing! Um…the signal is still prevalent. It’s still beeping away on my console with that 4-beat rythm beeping. It’s getting a bit annoying, but…it’s a small price to pay for what we’re doing for this mission, isn’t it? So there we go…”

PAUSE

“Nothing much to report on, I suppose. Everything is ship-shape, tip-top, fucking-A and all that, so no problems to report. Uuumm…well, I suppose I just needed to talk to something. Cos, frankly, it’s boring as all hell up here. Just sooooo boring…
“Well, that’s it, I guess. Althought I have been having weird dreams—”

TECH ERROR

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Comments (7 so far!)

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  1. Avatar ElshaHawk (LoA)

    it WAS boring…

  2. Avatar Mostly Harmless

    Witty and well characterised. Shame about the tech error, I could’ve read on… Oh. Surely you’re not implying a link between the character’s bad dreams and the sudden and unexpected tech error?!? That WOULD be clever, eh? Well done, very realistic, if difficult to sequel using the same narrative style. A prequel could work though. Let me think… MH :)

  3. Avatar kaellinn18

    What Elsha means is that it was boring for the protagonist until the error, not that your story is boring. :-) The dialogue in this is very natural. I imagine you just wrote what you would have said in a similar situation, and that’s what works best.

    One typo I see to fix: “Althought” in the last sentence. Other than that, I like it well enough. It doesn’t really grab me, but it’s a solid jumping off point. I can think of a few ways that this can be sequeled/prequeled, despite the log format.

  4. Avatar J. A. Keane

    Thanks for pointing out my type. STUPID STUBBY FINGERS!!! =P
    And thanks to all of you for the great reviews! =))

  5. Avatar ElshaHawk (LoA)

    yeah, not your story, wow that sounded worse after I typed it.

  6. Avatar Abby (LoA)

    an interesting read.
    This could do with a prequel although I don’t really see an opportunity for sequel.

    You haven’t introduced any characters in the way of description which is a little disappointing.

    I’m impressed with your format: A ship’s log is very clever indeed.
    Well done
    Abby
    x

  7. Avatar J. A. Keane

    Thanks very much!
    Hopefully, the prequel to this story will flesh out this segment a little better.
    Thanks for the great review!
    +)

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