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J. A. Keane

Joined January 2010 and calls J. A. K's Twitter Feed home.

159 stories, 6 challenges, 110 comments, and 74 friends

J. A. Keane has spent the majority of his 19 years trying to act like a somewhat normal member of modern society, but seeing as nobody else seems to be acting normal these days (which basically makes the entire concept of “normality” redundant and nothing but a bad joke (my inner Comedian-from-Alan-Moore’s-“Watchmen” talking there)), he has decided to give up on that, and continue along his path of random offbeat-ness.
When he’s not doing that, he also likes to write long-winded rants on Tumblr, miniature rants on Twitter, medium sized rants on Facebook, and adamantly refuses to use LOLspeak (as he finds it annoying, and believes that it’s a slightly differentiated (but not THAT much, really, if you think about it) form of Newspeak).
And when he’s not doing any of that, he likes to write exaggerated biographies that are intended to make him sound more interesting than he actually is.
And after all that, he also really likes to end his website biographies on a joke.
(American reality TV shows.)

Stories

  1. Feverish

    Cold sweat trickling off forehead. Throat dry, desert parched. Jug on table. Condensation glistens. Old woman next bed. Regular pain moans. TV in ceiling corner. Volume low. Bedsheets feel heavy. Too much. Muscles are limp. Pain is everywhere. Dull thr...

  2. Nadir, Abed Nadir.

    Me: “Woah!” Abed: “Woah.” Me: “Dude, you’re real!” Abed: “Yes. As far as I know. Though I could be a projection. Or maybe you’re the projection. Hard to say. I need a totem.” Me: “I have...

  3. Welcome Back (Superhero Black Hole, part 121)

    I asked a load of why why why ’s at Al. He answered me in kind. The nuke grenade? A large enough stressor to make either me or Zoe transport us to the pothole of Time that is the In-Between. Zoe saved us? Yep, she totally did, using her enviable ...

  4. Puked (Superhero Black Hole, part 120)

    sssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaa dude? “Hmfmh…” ssssssshhhhhhhhhaaaaa doyourequirehelp? noitscoolgimmeaminuteDUDE! “What do you want?!” “I think you can get out of the foetal position now,” said Zoe. I...

  5. Nuked (Superhero Black Hole, part 119)

    For a moment, Al didn’t answer. He stared at us with his futuristic eye-gear, while me and Zoe subtly began to brick ourselves. He then responded with an answer that, if he were entirely human, I would have expected him to deliver with a devious ...

  6. It Means Something

    Merrily I speak to thee Shiftily I sell you me Niftily I think that we Constantly Will never be.

  7. Fade

    It started slowly. It’ll end likewise. I think it likes it that way. My right hand keeps catching my eye as I write this. Stupid. When did it begin? I’m not quite sure. We’ll say days. It’ll do. Days ago, I woke up. Sun splitti...

  8. Skewed

    Before I knew that it was scientifically impossible… Before Roland Emmerich pretty much did this kind of thing to death in his flicks… Before Foo Fighters did it in their video for DOA… When I was younger, I always imagined what it wo...

  9. To Play Plato's Play-Doh

    To play with Plato’s Play-doh is to play with Life itself. For the Play-doh of Plato doesn’t really exist, Except inside the mind of yourself.

  10. Silver Lining (Superhero Black Hole, part 117)

    “And this is a good thing?,” Zoe said, half-sarcastically, half-seriously. “It can only mean that the plan is working,” Al said. “And what is the endgame?,” I asked. “To kill Letrodacta,” Al stated. This ...

  11. Diabolic (Superhero Black Hole, part 116)

    My mind was racing and spinning in my skull as I tried to digest just how diabolical Letrodacta really was. I had always known that that oddly named woman was the queen bitch of the universe – always out to get me, punish me, imprison me, toy wit...

  12. Originally... (Superhero Black Hole, part 115)

    Zoe was much more curious than I was to know the answer to her next question for Al. “What happened originally? Before Future him threw all these spanners in the works and altered everything?” Al answered as astutely as ever, continuing to ...

  13. Filling In the Blankety Blanks (Superhero Black Hole, part 114)

    Now, getting back to where we were in the apartment… “Duuuude,” Zoe said in a near-whisper. “You’ve got relatives? Why didn’t you tell me?” “I don’t have relatives! Or…I didn’t. I never ...

  14. Empty Space (Superhero Black Hole, part 113)

    Remember how I found out about my ability for the first time? Totting up the particular Friends episode? Noticing my usually scarfaced dad was now un-scarfaced? Realising that I’d jumped back in time, and then had returned to my present? (God, th...

  15. Get It Together (Superhero Black Hole, part 112)

    Even though the mug smashed only a few centimetres from Al’s face as it collided with the wall behind him, the bastard still didn’t flinch. Zoe, on the other hand, had flinched. Spectacularly. When she recovered, she coughed awkwardly, sig...

  16. I Really REALLY Hate Myself (Superhero Black Hole, part 111)

    Dear Reader: If you’re one of those annoying people who predicted this twist was coming a zillion chapters ago, would it have killed you to tell me that twist was coming so I could’ve been prepared for it? ’Cause when it actually happ...

  17. I Hate Myself (Superhero Black Hole, part 110)

    As if it was on my behalf, Zoe did a double-take, gaping first at Al, then at me, then back to Al again. I would’ve done likewise if I weren’t frozen with shock. Zoe took over speaking duties. “Seeing as he’s an iceberg now, I&#...

  18. Tell Me Lies, Sweet Little Lies (Superhero Black Hole, part 109)

    Getting back into it… “No, Al, wait,” I said, blustering as I processed his info. “No, no, that can’t be right. That’s not the right explanation. The other Me’s explained why we were all in there. The third Me ...

  19. Rebecca: The Story of a Life Lived with Life

    Rebecca grew up a poor black child. But eventually, they told her she was white and she left her home to discover the outside world. She hitchhiked to Wisconsin with an old man riding a lawnmower. When she arrived, she got a job she hated at a restaur...

  20. Modern Movie Haiku

    Comic book reboot. Add 3D IMAX remake. Ker-ching! Stop. Repeat.

  21. THE FACE.

    There I am. Here is me. I stare at him. He is me, and his face is mine. The face. Copied verbatim in the cool gleam of the silver. Moonlight’s glare leaves the face in half-shadow. I see it in his face, and feel it in mine. Writhing. Pulsing. I ...

  22. A Quick Disclaimer (Superhero Black Hole, part 108)

    OK, dear Reader: before you start criticising us for the increase in bonkersishness that has gone on the up as Superhero Black Hole (a title that Zoe still detests, even though she’s a Muse fan, too) has continued, I want to make some things perf...

  23. Anything Else? (Superhero Black Hole, pt. 107)

    “Woah! So wait…,” Zoe butted in. “…You stay in the In-Between long enough, you recharge your batteries, gain extra power and possibly even extra lives?! Does this mean that if we defeat Lettie in that universe, she’l...

  24. Side Effect (Superhero Black Hole, part 106)

    Me and Zoe glanced at each other with the expression on our faces that said: What next? “Side effects?,” I asked with a hint of portentiousness in my voice. Al answered my question with a question. “You entered and re-entered that uni...

  25. Configuration (Superhero Black Hole, part 105)

    “Oh, well…” I began that sentence thinking I knew exactly what words I would say next, but all of a sudden my scrambled egg brain wouldn’t agree with itself, so all that came out of my mouth was an elongated “…uuuuh&...

  26. The Memory Forest

    Remember that old conundrum? You know, the one that goes: if a tree falls in the forest, but there’s no one there to hear it, does the tree ever really fall? A fallen tree. There, but not there. Perhaps it applies somewhat to our world. For as y...

  27. Pop Culture can *BLEEP* my *BLEEP*ing *BLEEP*.

    Most days, I have this urge to just abandon modern “civilisation,” hole up in some mahoosive castle somewhere, live in complete catatonic seclusion and obscurity, and never be heard from again. Can you blame me? Most everything that occurs...

  28. an old man alone in a room with his fears

    I am going to die… Words that everyone must confront sooner or later in their lives, for a wide spectrum of reasons. A passing thought. That’s my reason – a passing thought. Out of the ether, into the blue. No rhyme or reason for it. ...

  29. Maybe...?

    Maybe our dreams are our real lives, and our real lives are our dreams.

  30. Home Away From Home (Superhero Black Hole, part 103)

    “I’m getting to grips with this now…I think,” Zoe said with a slight air of irritability. “But, what does this other universe do? Or, what can Lettie do with it?” Al chimed in again. “It is a metaphysical anoma...

J. A. Keane's Friends (74)

  • Steve Saylor
  • Abby (LoA)
  • Mostly Harmless
  • ElshaHawk (LoA)
  • THX 0477
  • Abstract
  • The Note Writer
  • Bob Liddil
  • Sanglorian
  • cthulhuburger
  • kaellinn18
  • wilw
  • Wednesday [PJ] ((LoA))
  • The Silence [All By Myself] {LoA}
  • Hobohemian
  • thelostgirl
  • Horrorfan13
  • Jeffool
  • Redheadedweirdo
  • maximumride36
  • Violet
  • Nymphaea Rose
  • John Perkins
  • Rez Greetham
  • Silven
  • i, Coomber
  • Stovohobo
  • Raegan Dauterive
  • Anonymuncule
  • Andy G {L.O.E.M.A.T.T.L.O.A.}

J. A. Keane's Followers (30)

  • Steve Saylor
  • kaellinn18
  • Wednesday [PJ] ((LoA))
  • thelostgirl
  • Redheadedweirdo
  • Hobohemian
  • Horrorfan13
  • Andy G {L.O.E.M.A.T.T.L.O.A.}
  • Marli
  • Gradual Uprising {LoA}
  • Rez Greetham
  • Sam Ervin
  • Krulltar
  • RoseTone ~LoA~
  • Robert Quick
  • Anonymuncule
  • Jason Month
  • Conjoiner, Rejoinder, Poisoner, Concealer, Revelator [[Wednesday]]
  • Adam Croft
  • InnocenceAndArsenic
  • Abstract
  • ElshaHawk (LoA)
  • 32 ^2
  • Elizabeth Greene
  • Reaver19
  • Mazurka
  • Emily
  • Princess Binky Lemontwist (LoA)
  • zxvasdf
  • Elizabeth Todd