Foggy Memories

Avatar Author: Mostly Harmless {LoA} I have been sired as Mostly Harmless: Vanguard of Vocabulary moste Verbose! My biography needs a spring clean... As always, I am Ed. I've realised that even taking time out of Ficly for revision purposes proves ... Read Bio

The snow was nothing special. Year in, year out, Winter’s white blanket would descend in the night, coating the hills and the hamlets, refusing to leave until Spring demanded that enough was enough.

But the fog…

“Not that there’s anything wrong with fog.” the Chief Elder assured the local people, gathered for the monthly village meeting.

“Just make sure to lock your doors. And the windows… Especially the windows.”

Old Barnaby Camberwick didn’t leave the house again until Spring had tenderly passed the world into Summer’s jovial care.

Mrs Perry Smythe insisted that her little ’uns went to bed a good time before dark, and the locksmith made a pretty penny when he installed a thick bolt on the front door.

Even Dandy Jackson locked his flash car away, and went to stay in the city for couple of months.

They remembered the last time.

Nobody ever found out what happened to little James and Jenny Harris, snatched from their beds in the dead of night.

But Old Barnaby Camberwick had a pretty good idea.

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Comments (11 so far!)

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  1. Avatar Horrorfan13

    Oh..my…goodness. The way you wrote this reminds me of one of my favorite authors…Stephen King. It set things up perfectly for yourself (or another adventorous writer) to sequel. I will beg off rating, however, in consideration to others who may enter. Great entry!

  2. Avatar someday_93

    This really makes me want to know what happens next…

  3. Avatar Mr.Gabriel (LoA)

    Wow. If I got easialy frightened by reading, then this would’ve made me jump.

    Nice build up mystery.

  4. Avatar Mostly Harmless {LoA}

    Thanks for feedback guys. Not usually my thing so good to be praised for flexing the ol’ writing muscle… MH :)

  5. Avatar kaellinn18

    This is a good opening for a suspense story. The subtlety of it makes me think that Camberwick knows something that, if he told everyone else, they would not believe him. Something supernatural.

    Should “flash car” be “flashy car,” or is that just something I’m not understanding since I’m from across the pond?

  6. Avatar Pat J

    Very nice. It made me think somewhat of an old story by Larry Niven, called “For a Foggy Night”.

  7. Ahfl_icon THX 0477

    Brief and an overview, but it works as a sort of retelling of a local legend/myth/fear thing.

  8. Avatar Abby Wall (LoA)

    This is very suspensful and quite spooky. You’ve done a great job and it really sets the scene for possible continuation.
    Abby x

  9. Avatar ElshaHawk (LoA)

    i like the tone you went with here. :)

  10. Avatar Browncoatben

    “Old Barnaby Camberwick didn’t leave the house again until Spring had tenderly passed the world into Summer’s jovial care.”

    The choice of words in this section was perfect. It really anchored the whole piece in its style and flowed into my imagination.

    Very very nice…

  11. Avatar Lighty

    This was far scarier than it had a right to be. It’s just fog! I also love how you give us glimpses of these characters in the community; Dandy Jackson is a good name. It was also very clever using the Chief Elder’s speech, nicely done, going from trying to be reassuring to just barely covered fear. It all just reads so well, though the echoes of my english teachers are shouting ’don’t start a sentence with a ‘but’!’