I have been sired as Mostly Harmless: Vanguard of Vocabulary moste Verbose!
My biography needs a spring clean…
As always, I am Ed.
I’ve realised that even taking time out of Ficly for revision purposes proves to hard, and that coming back after even a couple of days can be scary – finding out there’s a load of new kids on the block who are bigger and better than you!
So, here I am, juggling the reading, reviewing and social banter (oh the joy of notes), with piano, studies, acting and breathing.
Thanks for taking the time to visit my profile, clearly you have great taste…!
Stories
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How Do You Solve A Problem Like Repulsive Hooligans?
Once, there was a little old lady called Edith. She had wispy white hair, a kind, wrinkled smile, and a bubblegum pink handbag; the kind filled with bits and bobs to solve any situation. Where Edith lived, lots of naughty children would run around the ...
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Introducing Victor
Eyes darting around the hall, one hand fingering the crucial document in his pocket; if Victor Higson didn’t always look so spiteful and smug, the rest of the eighth grade might have guessed he was up to something. Victor was much more suited to ...
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An Argument Situation
“I take personal offence to that comment!” “What? It wasn’t meant to be personal!” “Andy, how can ‘Jump off a cliff you crazy bitch’ not be meant personally?” “This is an argument situation Je...
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The Price of Revolution
When Piano Joe stopped playing the same tune he’d hammered out every night for twenty years, everybody knew something was wrong in the dusty bar with no name. “I say screw him! We won’t put up with this any longer – we’ll get our lives back!
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Curtain Call
To die, to sleep… In the light of the fickle moon, you could have been forgiven for mistaking the gaunt silhouette atop the cliff for a sapling swaying danerously in the wind – but it was a man. Noble in reason, infinite in faculties…...
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Here Comes The Bride
As the cooing of the congregation reached fever pitch, and the first strains of ‘The Bridal Chorus’ soared high to the vaulted ceiling of the church, a heady dose of love and agonising regret coursed through Stewart’s veins. Glancing ...
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Prima Donna
Running her finger over the spines of the CD’s on the shelf, it wasn’t until she reached the gap where the ‘66 recording of Madame Butterfly should have been that Ismerelda remembered her ex-husband had taken it when he’d left. ...
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Satanic Sheet Music
As the young lovers ran, arms outstretched to each other from opposite ends of the stage, the audience were most decidedly not supposed to be under the impression that the hounds of hell were about to burst on to the scene. Fear was etched on to the fa...
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Mount Vesuvius Eat Your Heart Out!
I DISTINCTLY REMEMBER I WAS STILL GORGEOUS WHEN I WENT TO BED! Smooth and soft, with a painstakingly cultivated healthy but not conspicuous tan, my skin is supposed to be envious! My pimple-plagued peers would die for the utter kissability of my regula...
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Busman of the Skies
“Daddy, when I’m older I want to fly just like that Earhart lady – she’s so cool!” That had been Tommy’s cue for his daddy to pick him up and run around the room making aeroplane noises, before throwing him down and ...
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Gone Sour
Confectionery, Niall knew, was a way of life. Little could he have guessed that even as Mr Cavendish sunk his teeth into an Exploding Pineapple Gum, far more tasteless characters were planning much more than a sudden inspection… At the centre of ...
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Ignorance Is Bliss
As the harsh sounds of a big-city morning clash with the gentle chords of a romantic mix-tape, never turned off, all in the small apartment is still – a freeze-frame; a moment captured in suspense. On the table, two coffee cups sit unfinished, waitin...
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Reflection and Rescheduling
Now that the government had decided pipe-smoking while driving was irresponsible, Rafferty had to settle for a ’66 recording of Madam Butterfly to calm his racing mind. Thank God for Puccini… As he passed various landmarks en route to his h...
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The Show Must Go On!
Looking in the mirror, his paunch made obvious by skin-tight latex; once impressive cape now faded and tatty, Doctor Lucian Super-Evil IV sighed. Thirty years had passed since he’d first put on his Super-Evil Laser Gloves, and practiced his Super...
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A Murder, Of Sorts
“I’m a what!” For a man who had captured numerous stalkers, cracked various mysteries and rescued the entire Sussex Archery Club from gruesome deaths, Rafferty looked thoroughly baffled. “A liability Mr Pryce.” With that, ...
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A Bittersweet Surprise
“I am afraid Mr Summers, I have no choice – I will arrive within the minute!” Flaming Hecate! With an impatient flick of his disheveled hair, the proprietor of the world-famous Triffic Truffles Chocolate Apothecary urgently set about ...
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The Ultimate Chronicle - Part 31
Wells clicked twice, and the office chair he was reclining in raised with a sudden lurch onto a pair of gleaming hydraulic legs, lifting the impressively mustachioed writer out of sight, into darkness. “Do you like the new observation consoles ge...
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{Utopia} (someday_93)
There’s nothing quite like fresh talent – new, invigorating, game for a challenge and ready to fly. In barely two weeks, someday_93 has taken Ficly by storm, dominating the ‘Active’ list with a stunning portfolio of stories over...
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{Utopia} (thelostgirl)
I think a display image can tell alot about a Ficleteer – after all, a picture can tell a thousand words can’t it? thelostgirl’s display image clearly shows a bookcase, full (believe it or not) of books, leaning and tumbling against o...
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A Not Quite Three-Part Harmony
An alpenhorn is a spruce horn used by Swiss goatherds. And at 8 feet long, Gretel barely fits in our garage. Terence, my husband, acquired his pride and joy, an Ernst Schüpbach antique, at an auction in Canada. I just about forgave the flight cost, bu...
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The Job of a Mother
It was ironic, considering her line of work, that she couldn’t have children. All these years she had handled human life, and yet, the doctor kindly told Teri, she was woefully incapable of producing her own. Of course, Oscar stayed strong –...
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It Was All Just A Dream
An infinitesmal speck of matter, solitary in the darkness. Light. Energy. Heat. Expanding through space, through time, moving dreamlike into what is yet to be. Aeons pass. Mass condenses, collects, collides, and then… Rare, blissful and flawed. L...
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Foggy Memories
The snow was nothing special. Year in, year out, Winter’s white blanket would descend in the night, coating the hills and the hamlets, refusing to leave until Spring demanded that enough was enough. But the fog… “Not that there’...
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Pleasing People
Harry Goldstein wasn’t a bad man. Not really. He just wanted to please people. “You deserve this Goldstein. Give me what I want, or I’ll take you under like you’re taking your own damn country." Jake sat down now, taking a wad of docum...
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On Night-Time Randomonium
As the grumbling sun set with a flop and a squelch over the dreaming spires of the floating castle, one species went to sleep, and a veritable wicker-basket of others rose to rule the velvet night. Glowing Pond Quarks chased their own barbed tails arou...
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A Masterclass in the Deduction of an Unknown Visitor's Identity
Hastily stuffing the letter into his inside jacket pocket, Rafferty cursed the lapse in his usually excellent sense of perception as he heard footsteps approaching his office. Fast. At times like this, he could take no chances. Racking his brilliant br...
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Interrogation and Invention
Tied roughly to a small chair, Juno wasn’t at all surprised when her captor drew back his hood to reveal the sunken eyes of a Denar mage. He stared silently, pitiliessly at her from what she could only presume was an interrogation table. And Juno...
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Life Goes On
It was more like a letter than a note. Five pages, neatly typed, and every word true, including the P.S: You don’t love me Sandra. And you never did. Now he was gone. She didn’t re-read it. She didn’t pick up the phone. She certainly ...
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The Secret Swordsman
I am athletic on my feet, I am brave against defeat! I am cunning, for the best, I am dashing when put to the test… I am enigmatic, behind my mask, I am fiery, burning all in my path. I am gymnastic, agile and quick I am handsome of course and s...
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Death Throes
For just a moment, there was silence, as counsellors, guards and citizens alike watched in awe as the dishevelled figure of the court magician slowly emerged from the gaping hole in Gorm’s bloody gut. And then, a scream. Such a cry of fury and so...
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