Diet Pills

Avatar Author: shadowlight I've been writing in one way or another for as long as I can remember and before that I was daydreaming (oh, wait...still do that). Favorite genres: fantasy/sci-fi, mystery, suspense, twilight zonish stuff etc. Pretty e... Read Bio

It was an easy choice. Take the pills, lose the pounds. Eve sighed. The ‘lose the pounds’ had sold her.

That and the guarantee.

She looked at her reflection and almost didn’t recognize the person she saw. “Even my parents wouldn’t know me.” Shivers crawled along her spine. If they were here. If anyone who cared were here.

The empty bottle, its lid half-off grinned at her. Ten pills later and 70 pounds lighter, Eve had no one to rejoice with. The crone’s words haunted her.

“Tis not addicting. Take the pills and ye will lose weight and more.”

Alarm bells rang in her head. Eve ignored them, believing the crone to mean more weight. It wasn’t until the last pill was gone and her new body revealed that she’d realized the awful truth. She had lost the weight and more. Each day she’d lost something valuable. Family, friends, job, home, until she had nothing. Now her memory was fuzzy. She frowned at the mirror image. Who was that? What was her name?

The image blinked and was silent.

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Comments (26 so far!)

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  1. Avatar ElshaHawk (LoA)

    sinister! I like the way you used “and more” to bring this story some danger.

  2. Avatar Robert Quick

    Excellent story. It comes across as a modern day fairytale with the ‘Be careful what you wish for’ tag. Even worse (or better) is that even after reading the story I know that there are people out there who would take the offer. Nice job fresh out of the gates. Welcome to Ficly.

  3. Avatar shadowlight

    ElsaHawk,

    I’m glad you enjoyed this. This is a hard format for me. I tend to be much more verbose, so your encouragement makes me happy. :o)

  4. Avatar shadowlight

    Robert,

    Thank you very much for reading and for commenting. I’m glad you liked it. As I told ElsaHawk, this is a challenging format for me. The shortest pieces I’ve ever written come in at about 300-500 words, not 1024 characters. Thank you for your encouragement and the welcome.

  5. Avatar Krulltar

    a wonderful morality tale indeed, pack up nicely into one itty bitty ficly. Great job.

  6. Avatar Scott

    Like it a lot. You mentioned in your comments that the format is tricky – I think you’ve done an admirable job picking the key parts to keep in, which I think is the trickiest part of writing on Ficly (I know I spend more time thinking about what I don’t need to include rather than what I do)

  7. Avatar Luke Nicolaou

    Very nice :) It is very thought provoking.

    Was it the pills that magically made everyone disappear, or what she was doing to herself? At least that was the impression I got from it. Very nice indeed :D

  8. Avatar shadowlight

    Krulltar,

    Thank you for taking the time to read and comment on this me. I’m glad you enjoyed this.

  9. Avatar shadowlight

    Hi Scott,

    Yes, this is a tricky format for me. I like to use words…lost of words. :o) Your encouragement gives me hope that I can indeed say something with the bare minimum of words. Thank you very much. (I also spent more time figuring out what I didn’t need as opposed to what I did. LOL)

  10. Avatar shadowlight

    Hi Luke,

    I’m glad you found this thought provoking and that you enjoyed it.

    No, it wasn’t the pills that magically made everyone disappear. It was sort of a “did you read the fine print?” type of thing. For each pill she took, some form of payment would be required. That payment would come in losing something she valued, as well as something she didn’t (ie: the excess weight). So, after taking a closer look, I’d say you’re right. She made them disappear herself.

  11. Avatar Wednesday [PJ] ((LoA))

    Wow. We would sell our souls to lose weight, wouldn;t we? It’s that important.
    This is such a chilling story, selling everything in your life to become pretty, even if it was missold.

  12. Avatar g²LaPianistaIrlandesa

    Pretty chilling as the losses pile up and spiral out of control… definitely a solid first bit!

    Welcome t’ficly!

  13. Avatar shadowlight

    Hi PJ Deane

    Thanks for stopping by and reading this for me. I’m glad you enjoyed this. It’s always bothered me that so much emphasis is put on beauty…so much so that we might not really consider the consequences of our quest to become whatever it is that is currently considered beautiful. :o)

  14. Avatar shadowlight

    g2lpi (is that right?),

    Thank you for the welcome and for reading and commenting. I’m glad you enjoyed it and appreciate your encouragement.

  15. Avatar Elizabeth Gallenberg

    I think this was quite a successful piece. Good dark mood and solid pacing. Very effective ending. Thanks for posting it!

  16. Avatar shadowlight

    Elizabeth,

    Thank you for stopping by to read and comment on this for me. I appreciate it. I’m glad you enjoyed the story and its ending. Makes me happy. BTW, nice to meet you. :o)

  17. Avatar Browncoatben

    Reminds me of a poscast I listen to sometimes where they read horror stories written by regular, unknown writers. This had a really good twilight zone feeling to it with a wierd and unexpected twist that defies some conventino.

  18. Avatar shadowlight

    Wow, what a nice compliment! Thank you. I enjoy reading and writing twilight zone type material so your comments make me happy. Where can I find these podcasts. Do they only do horror stories, or do they do mysteries and other genres? Thank you very much for reading and for your encouragement. I appreciate it. :)

  19. Avatar August Rode

    Nicely written. Twilight Zone, definitely.

    The only part of the story that didn’t sit right with me had to do with the alarm bells in her head. It takes a serious amount of effort to ignore alarm bells, so for this story, I might have gone with something more subtle and easy to dismiss, such as a nagging doubt or a vague unease.

  20. Avatar shadowlight

    Hi again, August, :o)

    I had the hardest time thinking about how to have those warning bells go off. I thought it a bit jarring myself, but couldn’t put my finger on how to say it otherwise. You’ve given me something to work with. I think you’re absolutely right. Thank you very much for taking the time to read and comment and for your encouragement. I’m glad you enjoyed it (and that it you feel it has the flavor of a Twilight Zone). That makes me happy. :o)

  21. Avatar Mighty-Joe Young (A.K.A Strong Coffee)(LoA)

    this came across to me as"The brother’s grim will be guest writing tales from the darkside">
    Yeah it was good. i would take em’ just for the and more.

  22. Avatar Abstract

    The promise and the bargain made,
    The gravest price hath now been paid.

  23. Avatar ElshaHawk (LoA)

    good comment rorschach! And shadowlight, you’ll be a pro at format in no time!

  24. Avatar shadowlight

    Hi, Mighty Joe Young,

    Thanks for stopping by to read and comment on this for me. I’m glad you enjoyed it. Brothers Grimm meets the Darkside. I’ll take that as a compliment. Thank you. :o)

  25. Avatar shadowlight

    Abstract Rorschach,

    What a poetic comment. Beautifully written and much appreciated. Thanks for stopping by and for reading. Much apreciated.

  26. Avatar shadowlight

    Thanks ElshaHawk. I hope so. I know I’m getting in some good practice. :o)

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