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Avatar Author: shadowlight I've been writing in one way or another for as long as I can remember and before that I was daydreaming (oh, wait...still do that). Favorite genres: fantasy/sci-fi, mystery, suspense, twilight zonish stuff etc. Pretty e... Read Bio

Laser fire lit up the night sky like the Charles River on the Fourth of July. “Their aim’s getting better,” Sal muttered. “Almost hit us that time.” His partner didn’t answer. Mat hadn’t said anything for hours. If they didn’t get out soon, he never would. “Don’t worry, Buddy, I’ll find a way.”

His pocket buzzed and shook. Sal swore. Could he ignore it? His cell blocked all but two numbers. His partner’s and his sister’s. Mat lay unmoving on a dirty pallet in the corner which left Sue. His baby sister, who at one time had been a crack operative in her own right. Now she was a scared civilian.

Sal’s blood raced. In all the time he’d had the phone Sue only called once—a year ago. They’d been set up by one of their own. The betrayal cost Sue her husband and son. It also cost her all memory of that mission. But their enemies didn’t know that. That’s why she went into hiding. Now she was calling for help.

Sal pulled out the phone and flipped it open. The text read: They’re here. Plan A

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  1. Avatar August Rode

    Very nice. I’ve seen the Charles River on the 4th of July, so that resonates. The pace and tone are good. Nitpicks:
    You used the word “they’d” in the 3rd sentence in the 3rd paragraph. That confused me a little, and had me looking for the referent, which I came to assume was Sal and Sue. There’s a sentence fragment in the second paragraph which could easily be tacked onto the preceding sentence.

  2. Avatar RoseTone ~LoA~

    Interesting – not the setting I had imagined…
    Operatives, betrayal, missions… are they spies or something?
    The laser fire gives it a sci-fi feel, whereas “The Summons” had me thinking supernatural and horror.
    The fact that Mat is laying down in a corner (sleeping?) and being allowed to do so makes it seems almost like there’s a lack of concern regarding the apparent fact that they almost got hit – and the enemy’s aim is improving. Unless perhaps Mat is wounded or something?

  3. Avatar shadowlight

    August,

    Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m glad the Charles R. resonates with you. The last time I went (years ago) the fireworks all went off together and people had to jump ship. Quite a display. Thankfully, no one was hurt. Your assumption is right. I’ll check out the sentence fragment. Thanks again. ;o)

  4. Avatar shadowlight

    Rose,

    That’s probably because at first I wasn’t sure what was going to happen. Yes, spies in the future. I’m not sure if there will be any supernatural components, as for horror, probably not. I’m not a horror fan, though there may be some suspense. Mat isn’t sleeping. He’s gravely wounded. I’d hoped these sentences would convey that. "Mat hadn’t said anything for hours. If they didn’t get out soon, he never would. " I’ll have to take a look. I appreciate your comments. They make me think. Thanks for reading. :o)

  5. Ahfl_icon THX 0477

    Very tense situation, has that dark, grim feel to it all. I wound up a bit confused, but it is early, and I’m on cold medicine. Feels like you’re going for a style thing, which mostly works, though the sentence that starts, “His sister…” is a fragment and feels out of place.

  6. Avatar shadowlight

    THX,

    I’m not surprised that you were a bit confused. I’m getting mixed signals from my characters who can’t seem to decide which kind of story they’re taking part in, LOL. It’s funny that you should point out the “His sister…” line. I had the hardest time placing it. I may play around with this prequel and/or others to see if I can come up with something better. Thank you for reading and taking the time to comment on this for me. I hope you feel better soon.

Inspired by

Fifty yards. Just fifty yards. Half a football field. Without the end zones. The distance between the edge of the woods at which he stood and...

The Summons by shadowlight