There's Been A Misunderstanding

Avatar Author: bluefish If you're inclined, write sequels or prequels to anything I've done, and I always welcome comments and notes. Read Bio

You’ve got to let me out of here. I don’t know the first thing about dismantling a death ray or fighting genetically modified gorillas on the dark side of the moon. I can hardly lift a gallon of milk over my head, let alone a house, and I have trouble with the easy level of Sudoku. I’m just a guy with a mortgage and a minivan with melted chocolate on the seats.

Yes, they call me Captain Asparagus, and yes, I wear a costume, but that’s just to get kids to eat their fruits and vegetables. I spent this morning in my daughter’s third grade class, for crying out loud!

Listen. If you let me go, I won’t tell anyone about your plans. Heck, I couldn’t if I wanted to. I wouldn’t even know where to begin. I mean, is that a dinosaur, or is it a blimp?

What? Come on! That’s your evil scheme? I don’t mean to criticize a guy with a disintegration beam, but wanting to give kids all over the city a vitamin deficiency is really low.

View this story's details



Oh no! This story doesn't have a sequel. Want to fill in the blanks and write one?

Comments (2 so far!)

Average Reader Rating

  1. Avatar TSlothrop

    Hahahaha this is brilliant! Fantastic concept, perfect delivery…

  2. Avatar cthulhuburger

    If you think melted chocolate on the seats is bad, you should see what a superhero’s kids leave behind.

Inspired by

“But come on, Professor Fortune, what’s with the cape? A bit Bela Lugosi, isn’t it?” The host beams as the audience l...

Interview by cthulhuburger

This story's tags are