There is some imagery that I really like. I think I am more intrigued by the relationships than by the hellish setting. That’s a good thing.

I like this a lot. The imagery is nicely horrific, there is a clear angst in the narrator, as he doesn’t know his own nature.

Where it falls down, for me (and I’m sorry, but this is a personal taste thing) is that there is no structure to the verse.

I’m old fashioned in that, I think poetry needs to have form and meter, as without that it’s just prose. And that’s a shame as there are some really excellent images here.

Lastly, it also seems contradictory as to whether there is hope or not.

“I am one who does his bidding
Without choice
Or hope”
versus
“Hope continues,
Through the fire and pain.”

Um, yeah, I can’t really comment anymore as to my intentions cos I wrote it so long ago, but I accept it doesn’t quite make sense. I’ll mull it over. Thanks.