“Schnitzel!” Ben bellowed. A mildly overweight beagle soon appeared, wheezing from the strenuous walk from his dog bed to his master. A great distance of nearly two feet. The dog sat at Ben’s feet, looking up expectantly with big eyes for a treat or any remains from lunch.

“Don’t you give me those puppy eyes. Put ’em back. Puppy needs them,” Ben said looking down at his loyal dog.

“Schnitzel,” Ben continued more seriously, addressing the dog very formally, “I have some good news. I have decided to become a hero.” Schnitzel looked confused, tilting his head, wondering why Ben was being such an asshole about giving him a treat today. The dog whined and began to roll over onto his side, hoping that perhaps Ben might realize that he was getting tired of these antics and give him a treat out of pity.