I’m up way too late again thinking about unpleasant things we all have to face. How sudden our lives will end one day. How it could end painfully and without peace. I can tune it out with distractions, and denial, and comforts, and simple pleasures. Though, sooner or later these thoughts come creeping back like an ice cold tide that laps at my feet and then consumes me at once. It’s then I recognize how fleeting and vulnerable everything is. That I could very possibly be grasping onto the edges of my final moment each night I wade near the undertow of sleep. That tomorrow isn’t guaranteed.

There are times like tonight, when I’m alone, when it all feels so lonely and terrifying. I think I’m beginning a search for god. But not out of fear. It will be for some peace instead. Some rest.