Seb & Mark in: Two Things Are Inevitable

Avatar Author: Ben Paddon British-born writer and geek humorist living and working in Los Angeles, California. I'm the writer and host of PortsCenter (, the co-creator and co-writer of Dalek Gary ( Read Bio

Whatever alkhemy Seb used to convince Mark to go to an art gallery had worked, and they were now looking at a painting of a dog looking mournfully at a kite.

This is it, he thought. This is where our friendship expands beyond simple pub philosophizing and enters the realm of true adult conversation.

“So,” he said, confidently, “Do you ever think about death?”

“What? No!” barked Mark. “That’s just… that’s dire. It’s like thinking about your parents.” A pause. “Or limescale.”


“It’s off-putting. I can’t ponder the finer points of human mortality during sex.”

“I never mentioned sex!” whispered Seb in the manner of one who would rather yell. “Sex was not part of the discussion!”

“Well I assumed,” said Mark. “I mean, sex is really the only time I do any proper thinking.”

“Is that why you always get me to do your taxes?”

“I did try to do it myself once, but I just don’t have that sort of stamina.”

“I… no. Let’s not go there.”

Seb suddenly knew exactly how the dog felt.

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  1. Avatar Akheloios

    Hehe, that took me 3 readthroughs to get completely, the first read was good and each subsequent one was even better.

    The first non-sequitur threw me off, like it did Seb, full of wtf’edness. The idea that Mark didn’t have the stamina for the thinking needed for his taxes was a stroke of genius.

    It really builds up on itself, each run through you get the last non-sequitur and that lets you get the next one on the next read. You’ve perfected recursive wtf literature.

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