I will admit I had not thought this entire thing through. The bump in my dress was a setback. I had never planned much past October, when I would start an intense yoga program to lose my baby weight. I never actually considered spending the rest of my life with John. Even if I had, I never dared to speak the words. I never wanted to fill a house with children. I never wanted the same mattress for fifteen years.
But still I kept these things to myself. For a week we continued to play house. We bought dishes and placed them neatly in our cabinets. We washed windows and ate dinner at a kitchen table. At night we fell asleep squeezed together on a twin sized mattress, and in the morning I awoke on the floor. For a week we talked about baby names, about how if this one was a girl it would be okay, because the next one might be a boy and he could be John Jr.
Again, everything was fine, because the bed hadn’t arrived yet.
But then it did arrive.