Making a conscious effort to not stand out when you’re wearing a surgical gown outside of a hospital or costume party is quite difficult. People tend to think there’s something wrong with you, and rightly so. Having the vague odor of death about one’s self doesn’t help, either.

Apparently, the best way to go unmolested is to carry on a conversation with an invisible person, giving one the appearance of a wandering madman. Gesticating whilst speaking helps complete the image. When people catch sight of you—and they will—they’ll think you’re a raving loony well suited for a straight jacket and a padded cell, but generally won’t do anything to disturb you. After all, who wants to tango with a mentally unstable fellow in a backless dress?

Upon reaching your place of residence (in my case, an apartment building), you’re presented with a new problem: how do you get inside without your keys? Do you ring a neighbor and ask them let you in? What if they’ve heard you’re dead?

Or worse, what if they’re not home?