Fight Music

Avatar Author: Robert Quick A no-name, aspiring author who can't stop writing. Looking ahead, he strives for perfection. Shackled by various forms of entertainment, he dreams of success. Most stories here are an invitation to YOU, to join me in cre... Read Bio

For a moment, the silence seemed to stretch out infinitely- and the world stopped turning. The girl, Sarah, lay sprawled on the floor. Above her stood a mountain of a man. Everybody else, from bartender to bystander, watched and tried to look away at the same time.

Then everything snapped back into real time and the words had already left my mouth.

“Knock that shit off right now!”

He turned to me and I could see his life chiseled into the stone of his face. That craggy surface looked like it had seen a lot of trouble, nose broken, eyes hard, teeth that had never seen a dentist.

The noise that came from his throat was a quiet, menacing bass that somehow complimented the shrill soprano sobs that came from his feet. “Excuse me? I didn’t hear you.”

I swallowed the last of my beer and slammed the bottle down as I stood up. I had paid for it and figured I might as well get the most out of it.

“Deaf and ugly? What a surprise!” I exclaimed mockingly.

His fist lashed out like an avalanche and the fight was on.

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Comments (3 so far!)

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  1. Avatar Bob Liddil

    The starkness of the scene leaves me chilled. So much is said in such a spartan space that the economy of the narrative creates its own forboding. At the same time, the description of the adversary paints a picture of how the fight will go and how “bad” the reluctant protagonist will have to be to prevail.

    This is a very well written piece.

    Look in the last line for the quotation mark typos – close quote @ ugly and open quote @ eh."

    Just teriffic.

  2. Avatar Sir Bic

    Nicely detailed Robert. The scene is laid out well. Your descriptions of the adversary are common to the ruffians that frequent bars and ill-treat women. Our hero takes a stand when most people won’t. Good job. I think the sequel could be a good challenge entry, but alias it can’t be done.

    Bob, it might be that the open double-quote could be before “Your momma…, if you read into Robert’s writing of the protagonist’s mind.

  3. Avatar Red Mint Valkyrie

    I like that you the ‘hero’ of the story isn’t certain to win this fight. He’s doing the right thing but that may get him a spot on the floor next to the girl.

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