Lies

Avatar Author: Henjo Hello, my name is Henjo. I am intrested in writing, and really like to be creative. I hope you like my stories and can give me some feedback. Read Bio

Myriad colours swam above me as what seemed like liquid dispersed into numerous fragments which floated like clouds. I had never seen anything like it. Rays of light poked through, coloured in crimson red which caused a tidal wave of light. I took a step forward, and my foot sank into the muddy path. I tried to pull myself back but it was futile. I bit my thumb hoping for some reassurance, but none came to me.
Without warning a voice came from the distance. It was a short laugh, one that sounded content. It was soothing and reassuring. Infront of me Two red eyes materialized. And i could feel them staring into my soul as they dug into it like a drill.

Suddenly the color left the world. Black smoke slithered into the sky extinguishing the light, the muddy path I was standing on turned to cobblestone and when I looked back up, I found myself looking at a dark gloomy corridor. Behind me was a set of stairs leading to an old wooden door. I turned around but stopped when a hand fell on my shoulder.

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Comments (3 so far!)

Average Reader Rating

  1. Avatar ElshaHawk (LoA)

    crazy dream.

  2. Avatar J.S. Hope

    Is this supposed to be a dream? I suppose it could be because there are elements of fantasy here. But I didn’t read it as such.
    There is a lot of good imagery here.
    My only critique is of the first line. Myriad is another word for countless, innumerable, etc.
    So it should be “Myriad colours” instead of “a myriad of colours”.
    Otherwise, nicely done. I want to know what happens next!

  3. Avatar Stovohobo

    Definitely got surreal going. I think the first paragraph, while descriptive and full of images, feels a little wordy to me and could use some more brevity. I think the main thing is that the sentences are basically very similar in structure and length. Other than that, the concepts are nice and the imagery is good.

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