...and a bag of hammers please!

Avatar Author: Petros I have a wife, two kids, a cat and a mortgage. I design and maintain websites for a living and have never considered myself a writer. I like board wargaming, drawing and I also attempt to play the trombone. Hopefully, I'm... Read Bio

Peter was securely strapped to the gurney. Unable to move his body, Peter surveyed this new and exciting life experience.

To Peter’s left, ten thousand poison tipped arrows, nestled in ten thousand straining, drawn bows, all pointing ominously at his head and body.

To Peter’s right two hundred primed and flickering flame throwers were trained on him with matching terrible accuracy.

Above Peter’s head, ten enormous carbon steel axes, sharpened to spine chopping perfection hung from a single hair trigger.

The releases for all three of these dire contrivances connected back to a tiny green button positioned one inch in front of Peter’s nose.

Peter’s mind ratcheted up another notch to process this unexpected turn of events in his awe filled life. Peter wondered if he’d get laid today. Peter wondered what would happen if he pressed the green button.

Peter was not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

A few seconds later Peter’s life troubles were over.

Over here, over there, and over…

Oh, never mind.

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Comments (9 so far!)

Average Reader Rating

  1. Avatar smdasilva {LoA}

    A bit of overkill. So much so that it detracts from the story.

  2. Avatar BARomero

    I actually thought that the absurdity of the overkill made it that much more funny, as well as Peter’s thought processes during this situation. I just wonder how Peter got to the button while strapped to the gurney?

  3. Avatar Petros

    smdasilva – overkill? I don’t know what you mean… ;-)

    BARomero – who nose… I guess they should have tied his head down too. Unless they put the button there on purpose? Oh noes!

  4. Avatar Roarke

    kind of makes me NOT want to think of pink elephants….. Over kill? I thought this was quite realistic…… but then I’m a fellow musician, trumpet player…. so a bow to the sackbutt for his original overkill.

  5. Avatar ElshaHawk (LoA)

    Sharpest knife in the drawer I do believe. Unless you meant draw..
    Wonder what killed him first? Forensic science on TV, sorry..

  6. Avatar Petros

    Good point Elshahawk. Draw is very common colloquialism at least here in Australia, although it seems to be in the U.S. too, to a lesser degree. I shall fix it though…

  7. Avatar JayDee

    Great fun, and the dopey optimism of the main character made me smile.

  8. Avatar Megan Kennedy

    Excellent! Conjures up the dark absurdity of “Murder By Death”, for some reason, but it’s a wonderful parallel for me.

  9. Avatar Yunalasca

    Very good. Impending doom meets a mysterious button.
    I felt that the story built up a nice sense of tension from the beginning. A fun piece with an ending that made me actually laugh out loud.

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