Inferiors

Avatar Author: Elizabeth Greene A fiction novelist of no published piece of literature except the typical school required pieces of which are boring and oh so factual. "When writing a novel, a writer should create living people; people, not character... Read Bio

She ran . Everything around her was a blur. She didn’t know where she was headed, nor did she particularly care. All she wanted was to leave and move quickly before they tracked her again. She never truly figured out why they seemed to follow her.

She did know, however, the theories and rumors that flooded the Under Cities. She knew that the “people” were scared of her. So scared, they chased her out among the Mortals, the mundane.

So here she ran, on and on. And she knew that, for the rest of her life, she would hide away, hoping that one day, they would just accept their failure and move forward. But she also knew that, if they couldn’t deal with their failure for 7 years, they couldn’t possibly give up now. They took her mom. Their only mistake, not taking her.

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Comments (2 so far!)

Average Reader Rating

  1. Ahfl_icon THX 0477

    It’s mostly exposition, meaning background information about the story without really telling the action of the story. You could pack a lot more punch by focusing on action and hitting or leaving completely unsaid all the details.

    Grammar points. The first sentence is a run on. You could even just set the first part in its own paragraph, which might even be a little eye catching. You’ve got a missing comma or two, and I think you meant ‘fixated’.

    Lots of potential, and a neat story idea.

  2. Avatar Over the Precipice of the Unknown; Into the Frontier of Uncertainty

    I like that you start with a foundation to build upon later, and it’s still wide open enough for anyone to continue. Have a sequel or prequel in mind? I hope so…cause if not, I may have to make one myself. =)