Just to hand…an alert about a new breed of monsters reportedly terrorising our citizens.

What the??? Since the IMFA, the International Monster Freedom Act, was submitted and passed in 87% of this planet’s nations, I thought nothing more would surprise me, but this, listeners, is rather incredible and terrifying.

18 separate reports today, in this country alone, of monsters who appear just like any ordinary unmonsterly citizen, only to reek havoc on the general population by…I can’t believe this…pulling out a microphone and launching into song in highly-populated public places, with voices the volume of a stadium concert system!

But that’s not all! Apparently they perfectly mimic the sound of the voice of whomever they are singing, with reports so far of monsters of the likes of Britney Spears, Whitney Houston, Eminem, Ozzy Osbourne, and, Oh My God, Tiny Tim!

There’s even been an unconfirmed report of one of these monsters sounding exactly like the singing voice of George W Bush!