Never Fall In

Avatar Author: Spiderj A man who seeks refuge from boredom. Some challenges approach! Read Bio

The toilet belched and a few strands of black hair unfurled from around the U-bend. Mr Tims yanked at the handle again but the cistern roared in response.

He grabbed the toilet brush and rammed it into the bowl, trapping the hair against the stained porcelain and attempting to draw out what lay beneath. The lack of friction undid his efforts and he threw the brush aside, letting out a cry of anguish.

It is to Mr Tims’ credit that he did not pause to roll up his sleeves, instead soaking the cuffs of his favourite jacket as he plunged in his hands to clutch at the tendrils of jet black that trailed there lazily, like the most delicate and alien seaweed imaginable.

He tugged at the hairs, some strands snapping immediately, others squeaking across his skin. They seemed firmly anchored in place.

One final exertion and something gave; the water in the bowl turned a cartoonish scarlet colour and a chunk of her scalp bobbed sickeningly into view.

Mr Tims wept on the dirty linoleum floor and reached for a towel.

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Comments (6 so far!)

Average Reader Rating

  1. Avatar i, Coomber

    Great story, especially the contrast of weeping and reaching for a towel.

  2. Avatar jesteram

    Ugh. I was thoroughly disgusted, and thinking murder, and then I re-read the title. For some reason, that made everything okay.

    This is still remarkably disturbing, but the premise … it’s like one of those dark Strewel Peter stories intended to caution children of the perils of this or that.

    best line: “cartoonish scarlet”

  3. Avatar Spiderj

    Anyone willing to write a Strewel Peter style prequel to this, or any prequel at all, will have my undying gratitude.

    jesteram – the worst part of this is that I had intended to write a funny story and by the time I’d finished I just felt vaguely uncomfortable. But, yes, it’s a cautionary tale.

  4. Avatar BA Boucher

    You marvelous bastard.

  5. Avatar J.M.V.

    In execution, it’s depressing and disgusting in a terrible way.

    In concept, it’s absolutely hilarious.

    The result is something that I don’t think “dark humor” quite covers.

    I’m not sure if it really quite requires “mature” status, but then I think of how it could look if the wrong person was looking over a reader’s shoulder…

  6. Avatar K-Jellybean


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