We either couldn't find that story... or something's broken!

Cloudburst

Avatar Author: Red I'm eighteen. I probably don't know much about half the stuff I write about. I suppose that's part of the reason I enjoy it so much. Too lazy to write on paper. So I write here. I probably won't comment on your st... Read Bio

It rained yesterday for the first time in 27 years.

The normally blue, dry sky pardoned, giving way to a dark shade of grey. The raindrops gradually became heavier and heavier, until one could not see greater than ten feet in front of them. The ground must have been confused, turning towards the sky in haste, looking for a reason to the newly soaked dirt.

The people, however, were not confused. The cars halted, and the passengers, as if brothers and sisters, got out and united, raising their arms to the heavens. The joyous tears they cried were quickly washed away. I watched them and smiled, soaking up their happiness through the steel bars that hold me.

Under the sky, they danced. They danced like children on Christmas morning. But just as quickly as the rain came, the drops became fewer and fewer.

I backed up from the window and looked down at my hands.

They remained dirty.

I didn’t sleep last night.

View this story's details

Prequels

Oh no! This story doesn't have a prequel. Want to fill in the blanks and write one?

Write a Prequel

Sequels

Write a Sequel

Comments (4 so far!)

Average Reader Rating

  1. Ahfl_icon THX 0477

    I think that last line would be better as, “I wouldn’t sleep this night”. Otherwise is a jarring jump to the present tense.

    Otherwise great little story that remains in the moment but suggests a whole lot of other details and possibilities.

  2. Avatar Abby Wall (LoA)

    Or, even better ‘I didn’t sleep that night’ which would leave it open for continuation.

    However, this is very eloquently written, especially the second paragraph. I like your spacing as well, keeping the last three lines entirely separate adds weight to their content.

    I’m still trying to work out the story line in my head. The narrator seems to be quite a sad story, watching the joy from a distance but not joining in.
    Nicely written.
    Abby x

  3. Avatar Red

    Thanks, to both of you.

    I changed the first sentence to “yesterday” and the final sentence to “didn’t sleep”. Hopefully this works better.

  4. Avatar 32 ^2

    When blue is gray and gray is blue; nice little Ficly!