Sun Water

Avatar Author: Emmalene Marie I am 15-years-old and I have been writing since I was a little girl. When I was younger my stories were beaming with the spark of imagination but as I got older it has slowly faded. Now I am trying to ignite that fire onc... Read Bio

Breath be fast, breath be gentle.

Wind be cold, wind be loud.

Rage be burst, mind be mental.

Suffering be in thunderous sound.

Heart be locked, the broken key.

Let me go, set me free.

Open the shears, let sunlight shine here.

Can’t you feel it? The warmth so near?

Open my eyes to a world without lies.

Give me a world where imagination never dies.

Make me smile, make breathing worthwhile.

Be patient with me, like a small child.

Pick up the pieces, don’t leave me still shattered.

Give me happiness, life’s issues be no matter.

View this story's details


Oh no! This story doesn't have a prequel. Want to fill in the blanks and write one?


Oh no! This story doesn't have a sequel. Want to fill in the blanks and write one?

Comments (4 so far!)

Average Reader Rating

  1. Avatar Abby (LoA)

    The rhythm is a little erratic in some places but it’s still a very cool structure. I especially like the first four lines and the happy/sad theme. It’s great how you can cover so much subject with only fourteen lines and especially as you keep the comma placement so constant. Nice little break in the middle with the rhetorical questions. Good work.
    Abby x

  2. Avatar LinKerralSanar

    Amazing, I love this!

  3. Avatar In Night's Arms

    I like this. Though the rhythm doesn’t seem erratic to me. I got the feeling like the first half was being said all out in a rush until the questions, and then the second half felt more deliberate.
    But thats just me! And even if I’m wrong, I still like it.

  4. Avatar Emmalene Elizabeth

    Even though the rhythm is a little bit erratic, I find it a very appealing poem because of its irregularity. The poem is very begging, as if the narrator is asking someone for help. Very nice.