Glory and Envy

Avatar Author: The Ghost in the Machine LoA A student in the craft. Well traveled and not well off. Seen a little to add to tales. Still on the journey -Unknown _*http://www.protagonize.com/author/The_Ghost_in_the_Machine*_ Read Bio

It was tedious work, being a research assistant. Long nights spent cleaning up the master’s mistakes, weekends missed that beckoned with thoughts of women and booze in equal quantities. He had no life to speak of other than his work; he was totally and utterly consumed by it.

And when it was all finished, when it was time for the presentation, that doddering old man would claim all the glory. He would watch from the shadows of whatever hall they were presenting in and be ripped to shreds by envy and jealousy. The master would raise his arms and bask in the affection and applause of all the admiring spectators. But it would not last forever.

Igor could not help but grin slyly as fiendish machinations ran circles around his head. He heard a sudden noise and shook his head violently, a dumbfounded look re-appearing on his features.

Huh-huh” Igor laughed stupidly,“Coming master!
As he raced down the hallway in a carefully insane matter, he comforted himself with a single, malevolent thought.

Soon.

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Comments (3 so far!)

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  1. Avatar August 2nd

    Well done! It fits the challenge perfectly. No one ever gives consideration to what ignorant Igor thinks or wants. Why would they? But they’ll regret it.

    On a kind of tangentially related topic, my appreciation for things Frankensteinian is forever tainted by Mel Books’ film Young Frankenstein and by Terry Pratchett’s Discworld novels. My first reading of this was colored by that, seeing humor (“Coming, mathter!”) where none was intended. That’s my problem, not yours.

    Very minor points: quantities is spelled incorrectly; he after a semicolon does not need to be capitalized.

  2. Avatar The Ghost in the Machine LoA

    Thanks for pointing that out, I edited accordingly. To be honest, I kinda hoped someone would see humor in Igor’s reponse. I think that the ability to seem laughable and stupid makes Igor all the more sinister. Thank you for the kind words

  3. Avatar righterellis

    Let me preface by saying I enjoyed this. It is well written and I like that you fit a unique perspective on a classic tale into your challenge. With that said, below are a few critiques:

    When writing, try not to bog your work down with too many adjectives. Especially similar adjectives one after the other. Throughout this you double-up on synonymous adjectives. I realize that these words DO mean different things, but “envy and jealousy”, “totally and utterly”, “affection and applause”, these words convey a scene that could be demonstrated with just one of those words, for instance: " He would watch from the shadows of whatever hall they were presenting in and be ripped to shreds by envy." The reader will be able to surmise that Igor wants what his master has by just that one word and it keeps your work flowing smoother. Of course this is just my personal taste.

    Also I think you mean manner at the end there, not matter, but I could be wrong.

    Thanks for the good read, keep it up.