Taste of Ashes

Avatar Author: Amaris Wolfe I'm just walking in circles to find my way home. Read Bio

I’ve won now.
I’ve won it all. I’ve made those who brought me here proud.
And you’ve accepted me. Grudgingly, I am given a place. You could no longer deny my excellence.

But those around me aren’t comfortable.
I burn too bright, and they watch my flames with wary eyes.
I am here to light the path, our path. I welcome that they stand next to me.
My light’s purpose is not to blind them. But they are blind. Can they not see we wait for the same dawn?

Can they not see I mean them no harm?

I want to be one of them again, but their eyes hold me paralyzed, and my pride trips my feet.
I want to go back to the way things were.

Oh, that the victory I thought would be so sweet, tastes of ashes.

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Comments (2 so far!)

  1. Ahfl_icon THX 0477

    I like the message and emotional tone of the piece. Some cleaning up would help. The second comma in the first sentence feels out of place. In general it’s considered ‘stronger’ to not start sentences with conjunctions. And that last sentence was a little clumsy to read, mostly on account of your alternate use of “what”, though I get what you were going for.

    Lots of potential ans explores a neat dynamic, just in need of a little polish.

  2. Avatar Amaris Wolfe

    Thank you for the edit! You are exactly right, and those are very useful suggestions, Master Commenter :) I have applied them, to some success. Thanks!

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