Strangers Meet

Avatar Author: Funky Chunky *Always* feel free to write sequels or prequels to my stories. I love reading where other writers take my ideas. I was born in 1961 (old codger). I started writing for fun over Christmas 2011. I was recommended Ficly b... Read Bio

At this point I felt I must try and calm things down. “How about we just have the window open a tiny bit? We’ve just had to run to catch this train. In a few minutes we’ll feel much better and we can close it then. Would that be OK?”

“I suppose so.”

“Anyway, let’s get those formal introductions over with. I’m Charlie Nicholson; This is my sister, Angela; And our mother, Pat.”

“Oh. Well in that case, I suppose it’s only fair to say that I’m Cathy Alperin.” She seemed rather shy now the hostilities had abated.

“Pleased to meet you, Angela.” I held out my hand; she took it and smiled a little.

It was probably too forward, but I couldn’t help myself: “Forgive me, I’ve got to ask, ‘Formally introduced’?” I have a tendency to speak a little before I’ve weighed all the possible consequences. Sometimes it gets me into trouble. Fortunately not this time.

“I’m sorry, I just couldn’t resist the ‘introduced’ thing. I thought it might somehow bring things to a halt. Silly really!”

“Well, it seems to have worked.”

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Comments (2 so far!)

  1. Ahfl_icon THX 0477

    I like the situation and what feels like an ebb and a flow to the interaction, from the hostilities to the cooling and then a hesitant rewarming.

    Critique: “…she took it and smiled a little,” should really be it’s own sentence (what you now is a ‘comma splice’). The paragraph that starts, “It was probably too forward…” was confusing, I think due to the the bracketing sentences having “I” as the subject while you have (I think) the other person as the non-indicated speaker.

    Nice overall feel that could just use some cleaning up to make for a smoother read.

  2. Avatar Funky Chunky

    Point taken about the commas. Apparently the kind of intentional comma splice that I did is only allowed if you’re famous! (see Wikipedia article on comma splice, citing Samuel Beckett, E. M. Forster, and Somerset Maugham as permitted practitioners). I might dare to try it again in a decade if my (as yet unwritten) great novel sells well!

    As to the confusion, I’m sorry about that, however I though the colon made it clear that Charlie is the speaker in that para. Let me know what you think.

Inspired by

I boarded a train at King’s Langley in 1978. Nothing remarkable in that, you might say other than the fact that I’m old enough to...

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