The Delay

Avatar Author: Ronnie I have a hard time writing anything unless it makes me feel small and afraid. The universe is immense, and I am but a speck. Read Bio

I cried for six months when she refused to get the abortion. It was a mistake. We met at a party, we were both drunk, things happened, I don’t want to be a dad. It was around the sixth month that I finally grew to accept my fate. Six months later again and I was the proudest father alive. I’d have given anything for my son, my life, my money, my everything. Twenty years later, he is a sophomore in college, working on his degree in physics.

Then the phone rang.

It was her, the girl from the other night. She went through with the abortion. A wave of relief rushed over me, then confusion. Where was I? I was in my dorm room from some twenty years earlier. My economics book laid open in front of me, a pencil in my hand, pages of notes on the desk.

I cried for six months when she got the abortion. I’ll never know what happened, but one thing is for sure. I’d give my money, my life, my everything to have my son back.

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Comments (7 so far!)

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  1. Avatar BA Boucher

    Holy F that was some good S.

    Nice balance point and use of the challenge.

    Highest marks.

  2. Avatar Ronnie

    I just realized I didn’t do the challenge right. :( The story was supposed to be about me. This is most certainly not about me.

  3. Avatar BA Boucher

    That’s why they call it CREATIVE non-fiction

  4. Avatar John Perkins

    The transition from the fantasy to the reality is a bit clunky. I’m guessing it’s due to the fact that you pushed right up on the character limit as the whole piece feels a bit rushed.

    I do like the continuity in the six months of crying though. That does a really good job of bringing the story full circle. Overall, a well done piece that could probably benefit from another 200 characters or so.

  5. Avatar Stovohobo

    Though I had to read it twice, I think the phone ringing is a deft way to bring us back to reality with the character limit. Very emotional piece, with all that lost potential that makes me want the first part to be real. That = good writing.

    I don’t think it has to be mature. There’s not really anything that wouldn’t be said on a prime time TV show. Kudos for being safe, anyway. Your decision.

  6. Avatar Wyatt Aapr LoA

    Very well written. What if, what if. Don’t we all wonder.

  7. Avatar TextMason

    Strong emotive moment. And while the challenge said “you”, I can certainly extend some creative license to a story this powerful.

    My only problem with this regarding the challenge rules is that the challenge talked about a time travel story. This feels more like a “I woke up after dreaming the future” thing (as other comments suggest). My alternative is to think that the man from the future, the proud father, traveled to the past and persuaded the mother to abort the child that he loved so much. Yick. So it kind of unsettled me that way.

    But I can certainly appreciate the strength of the story – almost nothing is more powerful than the story of the life of a child.

    Oh, and “six month later” should be “six months later”.

    Thanks for entering the challenge – I look forward to reading more of your work.

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