It’s hard not to lose yourself, isn’t it? Hard not to let go of everything that truly defines you under the pressure of rage, self-loathing … invisibility.
We can’t really pretend to be something different and yet we can’t accept the people of our present – ourselves.
You, me … we’re all just parts really. And every single one matters in making the machine work.
I lost my engineer a while back: hidden under dust, congealing oil, I couldn’t breathe. Never good enough. Never perfection.
But if everything was beautiful, nothing would be beautiful.
That’s why we need to forget the world sometimes – stop blaming, stop delegating, and just fix ourselves for once.
This is me – really this is me: unattached … free, gliding through life completely unseen with an unknown future awaiting me.
Except I’m not unattached. I’m not free.
And sometimes the pain, the rage, of all the horrible things I’ve done/seen crush the magic out of everything.
It’s hard not to lose yourself.