View from a Skyscraper Roof

Avatar Author: Abby (LoA) Gonna miss you guys so much. My 'official/professional' email is: in case anyone wants to keep in touch! Read Bio

It’s hard not to lose yourself, isn’t it? Hard not to let go of everything that truly defines you under the pressure of rage, self-loathing … invisibility.

We can’t really pretend to be something different and yet we can’t accept the people of our present – ourselves.

You, me … we’re all just parts really. And every single one matters in making the machine work.

I lost my engineer a while back: hidden under dust, congealing oil, I couldn’t breathe. Never good enough. Never perfection.

But if everything was beautiful, nothing would be beautiful.

That’s why we need to forget the world sometimes – stop blaming, stop delegating, and just fix ourselves for once.

This is me – really this is me: unattached … free, gliding through life completely unseen with an unknown future awaiting me.

Except I’m not unattached. I’m not free.

And sometimes the pain, the rage, of all the horrible things I’ve done/seen crush the magic out of everything.

It’s hard not to lose yourself.

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Comments (4 so far!)

  1. Avatar ElshaHawk (LoA)

    We define ourselves in so may ways… no one word, phrase, sentence, comparison, metaphor can describe a person. We are the fear and we are the flying.

  2. Avatar In Night's Arms

    Its hard to not lose yourself, that’s true. But the people who dont let their tragedies and pain define who they are at the end of the day, they are beautiful. No matter how flawed that person may be.
    That’s how I look at it anyway.

  3. Avatar boxofun

    I like how the end echoes the beginning. I had a bit of difficulty with the part where you speak of how detachment helps. I can’t put my finger on it, though. Perhaps it’s just the paragraph break that I’d remove? I’m not sure, sorry. I hope you won’t mind my sharing my puzzlement even though I haven’t fully analyzed it.

    The bit about losing one’s engineer threw me for a loop. Is the narrator not human? Is this some sort of sentient spaceship? This story may need a sequel!

  4. Avatar Abby (LoA)

    The engineer part is metaphorical. This is another piece which is pretty much my diary, so there isn’t really a character – just the way I felt at a certain point in time.

    Detachment part is that I enjoy being alone but I’m not really alone, and it all gets a bit much. Sorry, it’s just my crazed rantings lol