I dream, lying on the floor in the nursery.
I look into her eyes. I sing,
“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.
You make me happy when skies are grey.
You’ll never know, dear, how much I love you.
Please don’t take… my sunshine… away….”

I wake up with a jolt, wiping the sleep and tears from my eyes. The day is long and unbearable. I roll onto my back. My arms, like bricks, stay at my sides. I smile no more; it hurts even to try. I lie in my bed and stare at the clock. Hours pass, but the hands do not change. I reach for my glass of water, but my hands do not move.

The sun shines into my room through the open curtains, bringing the darkness to an end. I slowly force myself to stand up, shaking as I do. I walk over to the window, my feet heavy like cement on a burning hot carpet. I stand in front of the window, look outside for a short while, and close it once more. I walk over to my bed and carefully cover myself up.

My husband calls for me. I bury my head in the covers and pretend he no longer exists.