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Avatar Author: Amaris Wolfe I'm just walking in circles to find my way home. Read Bio

Dancing in the parking lot.
Are you trying to catch his feet, but nothing can hold
The cold air burns your lungs, but weep
I finally feel
Despite the snow that had ears
It is not enough to understand the simple answer
It was not enough to listen
I had to do
Winter tried to stop the process
He came to me in a burst of sunshine through the clouds

I am free

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Comments (4 so far!)

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  1. Avatar Emilou

    I love how the second to last line was changed from “it came to me…” to “he came to me…” A small change technically, but it has a much bigger impact on the meaning. Great job!

  2. Avatar Pyropunk 51 (PPP LoA)

    The process made this poem even more beautiful and lovely

  3. Avatar BiC

    The incoherent nature of this piece is stimulating. I feel like a secret’s been reviled but I can’t understand. (Am I not worthy? :)

  4. Avatar RoseTone ~LoA~

    I like the cadence of the 2nd and 3rd lines (feet/weep).

    To me, the first four lines are the conclusion of the piece – try re-reading them directly after the last line. Does this resonate with anyone else?

    The image I get is that the dance is a result of chasing the “He” at the end…. “trying to catch his feet”.

    I see winter giving way to spring. Snow melting, rain falling to matching the “but weep” admonition. Not sad tears, but ones of relief.

    Nice work – both on this and the original.

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