Curious

Avatar Author: Elisabeth L. Davis(LoA) Feedback makes my heart race. _Elisabeth, Situation Escape Artist and Keeper of Fireworks_ I'm formerly Mask By the Moon, but during the period "between", I found a more realistic pen name. I am Elisabeth Leigh Davi... Read Bio

His eyes were weary and echoed a tortured past that few would believe possible.

“You shouldn’t trouble yourself with me.”

He turned and walked out of my life, leaving me there to wonder.

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Comments (9 so far!)

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  1. Avatar Garsecg

    The “pitch-black, tortured past” sounds a bit over-emo to me. Probably just saying “tortured” is enough. Otherwise it’s an evocative piece.

  2. Avatar Elisabeth L. Davis(LoA)

    Good call. I kept pushing for longer, longer but you’re right, it could do without the unnecessary bit.

  3. Avatar ElshaHawk (LoA)

    A lot said in a small space! great job!

  4. Avatar Mighty-Joe Young (A.K.A Strong Coffee)(LoA)

    you could have made this one sentance i believe it lacked emotional content even though it was designed to sound emotional. you know like your heart wasn’t into it.

  5. Avatar ElshaHawk (LoA)

    it is the void of emotion that makes it sad. he’s leaving

  6. Avatar OrangeOreos (LoA)

    Very short, quite bitter. Nicely balanced and done, all-in-all!

  7. Avatar Elisabeth L. Davis(LoA)

    It was supposed to sound emotionless and bitter, MJY.

  8. Avatar The Fantastic Mr. Fish (LoA)

    melikes.

  9. Avatar The Fantastic Mr. Fish (LoA)

    oops i lied
    k im actually going to go sequel now