Curious

Avatar Author: Elisabeth L. Davis(LoA) Beneath the regular writers sits a young girl, pen trembling in her hand. She tries to put words on paper, but nothing comes out but painfully choppy verse. She drops the pen, looking up at the regulars in their creative ... Read Bio

His eyes were weary and echoed a tortured past that few would believe possible.

“You shouldn’t trouble yourself with me.”

He turned and walked out of my life, leaving me there to wonder.

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Comments (9 so far!)

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  1. Avatar Garsecg

    The “pitch-black, tortured past” sounds a bit over-emo to me. Probably just saying “tortured” is enough. Otherwise it’s an evocative piece.

  2. Avatar Elisabeth L. Davis(LoA)

    Good call. I kept pushing for longer, longer but you’re right, it could do without the unnecessary bit.

  3. Avatar ElshaHawk (LoA)

    A lot said in a small space! great job!

  4. Avatar Mighty-Joe Young (A.K.A Strong Coffee)(LoA)

    you could have made this one sentance i believe it lacked emotional content even though it was designed to sound emotional. you know like your heart wasn’t into it.

  5. Avatar ElshaHawk (LoA)

    it is the void of emotion that makes it sad. he’s leaving

  6. Avatar OrangeOreos (LoA)

    Very short, quite bitter. Nicely balanced and done, all-in-all!

  7. Avatar Elisabeth L. Davis(LoA)

    It was supposed to sound emotionless and bitter, MJY.

  8. Avatar Fish.

    melikes.

  9. Avatar Fish.

    oops i lied
    k im actually going to go sequel now