Potty Dishumor

Ahfl_icon Author: THX 0477 Dr. Tim's Neurotic Rules of Ficly Life [Disclaimer: This is not intended to be binding nor in any way an expectation of general members of Ficly, league members, family members or wearers of Member's Only jackets] ... Read Bio

There is such a thing as the cathartic poo. After such a bowel movement one might stand and say internally or even aloud, “Why, I feel five pounds lighter. There is a spring in my step, and I do believe it is time to go a capering. Huzzah, and have at thee, life!”

This was not one such deuce. It didn’t help that I was in a Denny’s restroom that smelled like trucker ass and cheap potpourri at two AM. Meanwhile an assembled host of friends and acquaintances finished off powdery pancakes and greasy eggs. A large part of me hoped they’d leave without me, as forgetting me in the bathroom was a far less embarrassing story than if they were to find me passed out on the cold tile.

“Nick, you okay?” an angel’s voice floated through the door whilst I labored in my personal fecal hell.

I lied, “I’m fine,” then compounded the lie, “just got distracted, you know, Angry Birds,” and then made it all the worse, “Be out in a minute.” My eyes wide at my own folly I could only curse inwardly, Out, out damn dump!

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  1. Avatar Kay-Teaze

    THX 0477, did I ever tell you that I love potty [dis]humor? And the realism that lies within such a tale? (PS, I also like the Macbeth reference)

  2. Avatar Writearound

    I always found the bits in the book ‘Running With Scissors’ when Dr Finch keeps his own bowel movements as tool of prophesy one of those things you don’t want to know but can’t quite help reading about.
    The bad diner toilet seems a good place holder for a personal hell.

  3. Avatar JonB

    Funny sh*t – toilet humour in the most literal sense. This made me both wince and chortle; I felt his pain.