Joined March 2010.

29 stories, 0 challenges, 87 comments, and 15 friends

go suck an apostrophe.


  1. Ange puts on a Sapphire-Blue Sundress

    “God, this editing job is boring me senseless.” Ange went to the liquor cabinet to grab a gleaming-blue bottom of Bombay Sapphire (even though she’d told herself that she wouldn’t drink today). “Maybe I can make it more fu...

  2. Keyboards

    Find middle C, I told myself. I should be able to remember at least that. My fingers can find their way through a C+ scale. But I don’t remember how to do a D major or E minor scale. What were the sharps and flats? What about arpeggios? I canR...

  3. Bunny Ears (Mature)

  4. Wakeful Impairment

    “George, I don’t know how much more of this I can take.” I popped the cap off my third beer. “Well, Stacey certainly couldn’t take much at all, " George muttered. “What do you mean?” “God, Jan, don&#...

  5. Sleeplessness

    I shuffled along, dragging my feet a bit. I was going to be late, but couldn’t seem to make my body move any faster. Finally reaching my desk, I peeled off my coat and threw it on top of the stacks of paper. George, looking away from his computer...

  6. Who Has To Know? (Mature)

  7. How Did You Get Inside? (Mature)

  8. Punishment

    He thought that it must be a punishment; he was still alive and his wife was tearfully looking down at him in the hospital bed, clutching his hand happily. “Oh, I am so glad you’re okay! God is definitely watching out for us! [sniff] I̵...

  9. Drive Home

    He tried to stay focused on the road. But his mind kept playing out the different things he could say to her. What could he say? Could he tell her the whole, painful truth? She was right. How could Laura ever forgive this? How could she get over the sh...

  10. Debrief and Exposure (Mature)

  11. Best I've Ever Had (Mature)

  12. Quickly, Before You Stop Yourself (Mature)

  13. Dad's Hands

    I remember his hands. Coming in from working outside, all the creases and lines in his hands would be filled in with black grease, oil, or soil. Charcoal etchings. If they were particularly dirty, he’d call from the washroom, “hey Kay, can ...

  14. Potty Dis Humor (pt.2)

    Unfortunately, my host believed my foolish lie of being out “in a minute”. I really do wish that they’d just left. They could’ve saved me the embarrassment. But now, after several minutes, it was time to wipe & come clean. I...

  15. I Watched My Shadows Pass By

    I stop at our bar to have a few drinks. Because, the discontent of corporate life is bearable if I can imbibe in foreign beer. It’s dark now. In the glow of each street light I pass, watch my shadows pass by: 1. 2. 3. My 1st shadow bikes to a bap...

  16. Douche-Ah

    “Hey, did I ever tell you about my friend named Dushaw from university?” “Wait, what– was her name?” “It’s exactly what you think. Her name was literally pronounced ‘douche-ah’. Just like the vaginal ir...

  17. PastPresent (Mature)

  18. *Warning: may contain nuts

    Warning: may contain traces of resentment, anger, and hatred. Manufactured in a facility that also processes anxiety, paranoia, and self-doubt. Keep in a cool, isolated place. . Social separation naturally occurs with this product. Stir fully before us...

  19. Unhelpful User Guide for Life - Perils of Snow

    Winter is the time of year when you hear: - Shovels munching and crunching on snow - Snow blowers groaning and growling as they devour and projectile-vomit the snow - Car wheels squealing, screeching, and squeaking as they spin ineffectually on the sno...

  20. Aloe Vera Amputee

    I’d left them outside too long. I didn’t know there would be a frost last night. I’ll never forgive myself. I cringed as I gazed sorrowfully at the Aloe Vera & it’s small baby. Most extremities had succumbed to frost bite, due to my neg...

  21. Exhilaration before Eradication (Mature)

  22. The Loft

    It smells like the dew at dusk, sweat, and freshly-cut hay in the tightly-packed loft. I can’t breathe; I’m exhausted; I can’t move my little 12-year-old body anymore. The bales drop I can’t keep up They pile up Finally, the la...

  23. And the cow said "Eat Me"

    Sam pledged to stop eating meat, after viewing a slaughter vid. Other mandates follow: organic & eco-friendly, no leather, etc. All part of a veg-head package. For extra cost, add some reefer to your combo. (To be truly “green”, you smoke the g...

  24. CONSUME.

    “TIME TO CONSUME!” the loud speakers boomed out. Everyone in the office stops typing immediately. Everyone sits at the large troughs of fried meat covered with cheese. Gorging resumes, heads in trough. One man sits, hands in lap. His protru...

  25. Unblinking Lucidity (Mature)

  26. Here comes the sun

    I’ve already downed all my coffee. The ceramic mug is empty but still ghostly warm – lingering reminder what is now gone. I clutch it closely, still holding on. My roommate, who I’ve said few words to since moving in, is back. She wears a lar...

  27. Let's go pick up, buddy (Mature)

  28. Drunk Pussy (Mature)

  29. In our minds, we're our own planets

    Inside our minds, we stand on our own planets, revolving around our own suns. I got knocked out of my orbit – now we circle the same sun, you & I; you clockwise, I counter. * She steps out – the clouds are ready to piss all over her in a golden...

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Kay-Teaze's Followers (16)

  • The Full Metal Chicken
  • Sam Ervin
  • Wednesday [PJ] ((LoA))
  • Jim Stitzel
  • rawrchiteuthis
  • Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars
  • James P Anderson
  • Robert Quick
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  • Mighty-Joe Young (A.K.A Strong Coffee)(LoA)
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