Never Trust A Dame Who...

Avatar Author: halfpenny I'm an engineer, but don't hold that against me. Expect sporadicity. Read Bio

Three sizes. What a crock. I never bought it for a minute.

I tossed that batty blonde out on her ear. Did she really think I’d drop this case just because she waltzed in here with a tight dress and a sob story? I lit a smoke and searched my desk for whisky.

Still, I felt sorry for the broad. Growing up, she had a nice family, plenty of dough. Then she fell in with that grifter from up the hill and everything went to hell. The rubes here all love him, but he’s a mean one, Mr. G. If anything crooked happens, you can bet he’s taking a cut. One day, I’m going to catch him holding the knife.

First things first. I closed the desk drawer and got on the horn. “Jo-Jo, it’s Sam. I know G’s up to something. Spill, or I’m gonna come down there and make you talk. Okay. Your place, ten minutes.”

I looked around the office one last time before heading for Fairfax Apartments. Not a drop of hooch anywhere. Swell. That’s just the way it is in this town. No happy endings.

I swear, one day I’m getting off this dust speck.

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Comments (14 so far!)

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  1. Avatar Marli

    A whiff of Micky Malone.

  2. Avatar mama murph (LoA)

    I liked it………nowadays the blonde is taken more seriously making this world a very confusing place …….since the blonde was probably in with Mr.G all along.

  3. Avatar mama murph (LoA)

    mybad……after rereading, she was. I just got up..and am a blonde myself! Give me a break fellas!!!!!

  4. Avatar ElshaHawk (LoA)

    Great characterization here! I’m not sure what two literary works you are mashing together, but I don’t care! this is a great portrayal of the P.I.

  5. Avatar halfpenny

    Thanks, ElshaHawk!

    Believe it or not, this version is slightly less obscure than the first version I put together. I wanted to stay subtle, but just in case I overdid it, there are hints in the tags.

  6. Avatar jesteram

    This is fantastic. My favorite line: “he’s a mean one, Mr. G.” Now that song is stuck in my head.

    Also, the opening line (once the identity of Mr. G is sussed out) is genius.

    I think the mashup is just subtle enough. Not everyone will get it, but the payoff for those who do—immediately or eventually—is a sizable one.

    Good clues, too, in your tags.

    There seems to be a preponderance of kids’ stories mashed with more adult fare. I didn’t see that coming with this challenge …

  7. Avatar jesteram

    Oh man, and I just now got the title.

  8. Avatar Spiderj

    I spend way too much time trying to do this kind of thing and this feels effortless. I’m guessing it wasn’t but, damn, the effortless style fits with the noir.


  9. Avatar halfpenny

    Thanks for the very kind comments! I’m glad you enjoyed it.

    Spiderj, the process for this one was pretty typical for me. The idea and a few key lines all came together quickly, but then I spent a long time beating it into shape.

    I generally think of myself as a better editor than writer, but neither really comes ‘effortlessly.’ If you say it reads that way, though, I take that as a high compliment.

  10. Avatar April Raines

    gigglesnort Oh, man! Yes! That is just… yes!

    I was wondering from the first line, and yep. Great mashup; nice specific, yet subtle, references.

    After jesteram’s comment I had to reread the title – gigglesnort. I’d missed the blonde ref, I mean, it’s always a blonde.

    Well done!

  11. Avatar April Raines

    And the more I think about it, the cooler it is. Three stories in one. Only boo-boo – it’s Fairfax Apartments. :)

    Now I want to go sing a certain Geisel-inspired musicall. :D

  12. Avatar halfpenny

    April: thanks, and good catch. I don’t know where ‘Fairfield’ came from…I had the text right there in front of me, and apparently something misfired in my brain. It’s fixed now.

  13. Avatar Alexa Reed (LoA)

    It took a bit of detective work, but I did finally figure out the works involved. I’m pretty pleased with myself for doing so. I feel like my brain grew three sizes bigger, busting out some little copper wire frame someone had put right there to demonstrate something odd.

    Anyway, Mistress Elsha was right – this does read like a great detective story, even when you don’t know Who is involved. I’d like to see it continue. I’ve got an image of Mr. G’s evil smile getting bigger and bigger.

  14. Avatar Mayra

    It took me a while to get it, but the last line drove it home. Great mashup.

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