Waiting for May

Avatar Author: Robert Quick A no-name, aspiring author who can't stop writing. Looking ahead, he strives for perfection. Shackled by various forms of entertainment, he dreams of success. Most stories here are an invitation to YOU, to join me in cre... Read Bio

“I’m sorry, I’m running late. You don’t mind waiting while I shower, do you?” May bit down on her lower lip. “Just think about me, naked, with hot water running down my—”

“Keep that up and we’ll never make it to the play.”

She laughed wickedly and dashed into the bathroom, pulling the door shut behind her. The water squeaked on and began raining against the floor.

After five minutes I grew restless. Sighing, I flipped through the old issue of Cosmo that sat on her coffee table, paying special attention to the circled parts.

When thirty minutes had passed and there was no sign of the water shutting off, I had had enough.

I rapped on the door impatiently. “May, come on. We’re going to be late.”

She didn’t answer.

“May?”

I tried the handle but it was locked. I ran to the kitchen and grabbed a knife to jimmy open the door.

There was no sign of her. The bathroom was empty. I pushed the shower curtain aside and almost threw up.

A ring of pink surrounded a mat of blonde hair that stuck out of the drain.

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Comments (3 so far!)

Average Reader Rating

  1. Avatar AnthonyTNT

    I really liked this opening. It takes the reader on a nice ride, emotionally. The beginning you get a flirty, bordering on scintillating feel. I thought I was going to read a sex vignette. Then, you get some level of down to earth, grounded in the narrator reaction. Great turn. I love the suspense at the end.

  2. Avatar 32 ^2

    This reminds me of a song my dad sang to me when I was little.

    Alice, where are you going? Upstairs to take a bath.

    Alice, with legs like toothpicks, and a neck like a giraffe raffe raffe raffe

    Alice, got in the bathtub, pulled out the plug and then

    ’Oh my goodness, oh my soul! There goes Alice down the hole!

    Glub, glub, glub glub!

  3. Avatar Sanglorian

    Great, and horrifying, twist. Although I think it could afford to be a bit sparer at the end – not mentioning him almost throwing up, for example. The blonde hair sticking out of the drain is horrible; others reacting to the horror actually makes it less powerful.

Whoa there, partner, hold up!

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