Noir: Gunn Grease

Avatar Author: JonB Story writing: an unfortunate symptom of a leaky brain. Read Bio

6:05. A slow news day.

Waiting for a story to happen in this town, I thought to myself as I toyed with the mess on my plate, is like watching grease congeal.

Setting down my cutlery, I wondered when I would eat like that again – getting paid by the word was no picnic without so much as a rat in a drainpipe to write about. Where was all the robbery and homicide? Damn the wise guy who decided to clean up this town without a thought to those who depend on a litte human suffering for a living.

It was then I clocked the guy who’d just come in off the street. The rain-stained overcoat and fedora, the lugubrious expression – he had PI written all over him. My senses prickled. Approaching the bar, he ordered a whiskey, threw it back and immediately ordered another, the cadaverous bartender obliging.

A third and he was done; he picked up his hat and strode out of the joint. I hastened to follow, snatching my things and throwing down some bills before heading after him. This time, I knew I was onto something.

View this story's details

Comments (6 so far!)

Average Reader Rating

  1. Avatar Drake West

    very nice pacing and scene setting. No name though. I assume he is a reporter of some kind. We are assembling a full chessboard of pieces.

    Overall I think all these characters are pretty straightforward, which helps the author group function. What we need now is a the establishment of a multilayered conflict…

  2. Avatar JonB

    Thanks Drake. The name, as in the tag, is Shaw Lambone (well you have to call ’em something, after all).

  3. Avatar August 2nd

    Three more drinks? Looks like Nick isn’t going to be in pristine condition by the time he gets to the Topaz! And now he’s being tailed to boot? I can’t see that going down well.

  4. Ahfl_icon THX 0477

    Woohoo! Love it. Great characterization of the jaded newspaper man out for a story with a edge to him to possibly rival Nick’s. Very fun addition.

  5. Avatar 32 ^2

    Great flow and the Noir doesn’t come off as contrived.
    Now that I think about it, American cheap detective Noir, the protagonist is the storyteller, usually all internal dialogue.
    Great Job Jon B.

  6. Avatar August 2nd

    Contemporaneous piece to this one, from Nick’s perspective is at:
    http://ficly.com/stories/36713

Inspired by

“I’m heading out, kid. Before you go, run down to the liquor store and pick me up another case of whiskey.” I pulled out my...

Noir: On the Way Down by August 2nd

This story's tags are