Unwanted Visitor

Avatar Author: ElshaHawk (LoA) "Read, Reply, Ficly, or Die!" -Krully Ficly Blogger-In-Chieftess I am a self-proclaimed member of the LoA (League of Awesomeness): Mistress of Well-Intentioned Indecision. Special Needs Teacher, wife, mother of ... Read Bio

There was a knock at the door. It echoed throughout the foyer. The matriarch mouse took a deep breath. She opened it to the witch.

“Where is your daughter?”

“Leave. My. Family. Alone.” Her composure was already beginning to shake in the glare of the red eyes of the old crone.

“My son is with her.”

“My daughter would never treat with any of your kind!” Anger gave her words more volume than she had intended.

“Alas, it is too late. The child to be born is ours.”

“What?! That baby is the Savior! My daughter is married! What you claim is outrageous!”

“It is truth. Look.”

The hag held up a mirror. Fleeing from her daughter’s house was a gentlemouse not her wedded husband. He wore the cloak of the gypsies.


“You see?”

“You witch! How can I believe you! This is only a spell!”

“No, my dear. The child is mine.” She quickly took her leave in what seemed like a shadow or trick of the waning light.

Hastily, the distraught mother slammed her door. Her tiny daughter squeaked from around a corner.

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Comments (6 so far!)

Average Reader Rating

  1. Ahfl_icon THX 0477

    Creepy and freaky and nicely told. Great little story brewing here, Elsha!

  2. Avatar Kay-Teaze

    This is great. Looking forward to seeing more!

  3. Avatar Sanglorian

    I’m a bit confused about whether these are mice or humans … in the first story you refer to her baby daughter as a mouse, but here her eldest is sleeping with a ‘mousey man’.

  4. Avatar ElshaHawk (LoA)

    Good catch! I fixed it with gentlemouse. Not sure if I like it, but it is better than mousey man.

  5. Avatar Jae

    THX is right. This is creepy. Nice job.

  6. Avatar Sanglorian

    Thanks for clearing that up! I quite like gentlemouse.

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