Baby, it takes a lot of work to look this good. I see you checking me out. My abs? Yeah, I got a pick six, like all the big athletes. Feel those biceps. It’s alright. You can squeeze ’em. Like pomegranates, right?

Oh, I know tons about football. Ask me anything. Sure I seen them use that wipe out play before. That was my idea. Yeah, I was doing scrunchies with one of them offending linemen at the gym once and I suggested it to him. I feel like I should get some credit. Maybe they should put my name up on the Jimbo-tron.

Myself? I played quarterback. Saved quite a few games with my last minute Hell Mary. I’d throw it toward the ensign and say, “Hell, catch it!” I had lots of conceptions.

Yeah, I know there is a lot of talk about those percussions on the field. I say, if you ain’t man enough to get hit, then don’t play the game.

You want another beer, baby? Nah? I’ll get you one of them girly drinks. How about a tequila somersault? No? You go on to the restroom. I’ll wait here for ya.