novel in progress (is this a good beginning?)

Avatar Author: Angela LaFey I love writing... Especially poems. Some of my stories are dark, sorry. Remember that you're worth it <3 Read Bio

“Is that the third time you’ve giggled in less than 5 minutes?” What’s up with you, Sky? You finally decide to be a girl?" my best friend Owen said in his goofy, mocking tone. He smirked as he awaited my answer.
“It’s nothing” I shrugged it off.
“Uh Sky” “Yea?” “It’s definitely something if you’re not acting like yourself.”
“Owen, please don’t react the way you usually do”
“Okayy” He said hesitantly. “Whatever it is, just spill.”
“I met a guy.” I took a breath. “He’s perfect. He”s funny and has good taste in music. Plus he has the body of an Abercrombie model and these deep blue eyes I could drown in. His name is Cameron and he is my soulmate."
I could feel Owen judging me before he opened his mouth.
“Do you even know this guy’s last name? Hell, he could be a serial killer.”
“Why do you always have to spoil my happiness?”
“I’m not spoiling your happiness! I’m just trying to make sure you don’t rush into things with a guy you hardly know!”
“You’re not my older brother! You don’t have to watch out for me!”

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Comments (2 so far!)

  1. Ahfl_icon THX 0477

    Hmm, feels a bit quick, which can work for a ficly, but if you’re starting a novel I think it would be worth fleshing out a bit more with descriptors of the scene, setting, etc. Some grammar stuff (extra quotations in first sentence, you need paragraph breaks with each statement by a different person, and an extra apostrophe in the description of the guy). It has promise in terms of the character dynamics, though the switch at the end feels sudden—something that could be stretched out in the novel format.

  2. Ahfl_icon THX 0477

    I used to be on a site, I think it was something like protagonist.com, during the interim between ficlets and ficly. It allowed for longer projects, but I could never quite crack the code as to how to get feedback from other writers.