Needs Rewrite

Avatar Author: signed, poet Read Bio

Larissa stops reading
L: Jack, what is this crap?
J: You said you wanted to see more desperation.
L: These two characters already have a child together. Here it sounds like they’ve only just met.
J: The marriage thing… is meant for you. I’m asking you to marry me.
L. I don’t understand.
J: That’s such a cliche response. Look, I mean it! I had to write it so you’d read it… so you believe me.
L: You’re so stupid and I’m not in the mood.
J: And I’m completely serious.
L: But we’ve only known each other 3 months!
J: I heard a song in the car, you see, it just means me and you. We – it has to be WE. I love you! Don’t you know that? Well, I do.
L: Stop it this instant. I now realize you’re not joking, which is unfortunate. I’m going to fire you if you don’t stop immediately.
J: Why are you being this way? I started working for you in the winter. Now, it’s Spring. Also, I know you’re pregnant…
L: I’m NOT. Cassie IS. And YOU have exactly 12 hours to rewrite this scene. Grow up, rewrite, and then apologize.

View this story's details

Prequels

Oh no! This story doesn't have a prequel. Want to fill in the blanks and write one?

Sequels

Oh no! This story doesn't have a sequel. Want to fill in the blanks and write one?

Comments (2 so far!)

Average Reader Rating

  1. Avatar ...Still BARomero

    I like the title and the set-up. A little of the dialogue feels a little too on-the-nose, particularly toward the end, but can be more dynamic if you play around with it a bit more.

  2. Avatar signed, poet

    Ty kindly, Cariad Ceffyl! @ BARom I’ll be sure to let you know when I’m asking for writing lessons

This story's tags are