Pursuit of the Free Market

Avatar Author: Helioprogenus Just an aspiring writer who's Armenian-American, living in Hawaii, and influenced by Douglas Adams, Isaac Asimov, Orson Scott Card, Richard Dawkins, Daniel Dennet, and hundreds of others too numerous to mention. Read Bio

The Crimson Horde tore through the deteriorating defenses of what was formerly the extensively fortified capital of Kar-Arak. They had expected at least a partial response against their noisy incursion, but had so far encountered nothing but abandoned villages, empty pastures, and fallow fields. With an unsettling grimace that mimicked the empty atmosphere of the once mighty capital, Dengrit Khan leaped off his dusty horse, directing his gaze at the pile of rubble that had stood as the highest defensive wall of the inner fortress. Normally an unsettled man, his discomfort at the lack of a good, and bloody fight was rising. Since nothing had ever come this easy for him, he was convinced that a dire threat was near. Calling upon his best horsemen, he asked them to venture out, and remain guard around the perimeter of the outer walls. Shocked at the bounty of treasures to loot within the fortress, he failed to notice the disembodied hand of the free market.

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  1. Avatar Stovohobo

    I like the personification of both systems. The writing itself, though, is a little wordy—lots of big adjectives and same-length sentences. I might consider revising it into a more concise story with some paragraph breaks for flow.

  2. Avatar Abstract

    He failed to notice it because it was invisible, methinks.

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