Hot Dead Run

Ahfl_icon Author: THX 0477 Dr. Tim's Neurotic Rules of Ficly Life [Disclaimer: This is not intended to be binding nor in any way an expectation of general members of Ficly, league members, family members or wearers of Member's Only jackets] ... Read Bio

Sweat runs in rivulets and flits back in the oncoming breeze. Worn Reeboks pound out a desperate rhythm across gravel and cracked pavement. A pitiless Arizona sun watches the dead sprint with a burning eye.

With a hoarse swear, Mark skids around the corner onto Orange Road, almost losing his balance. He squints, sucks dry air that doesn’t seem to help his aching lungs, and redoubles his efforts all the same. Robbie had a head start; that was not good.

The trailer park appears on the right, the first sign of drawing close to his destination. Two towering cacti, flanking a petulant jumping cactus, wave in stoic greeting from the familiar gravel yard. Half blind with fatigue and the rest of the way blind pretty much from the glare, Mark tumbles through the oversized front door.

“Put…” That’s all he manages.

Robbie looks up with what should be a guilty look. Instead he looks mildly surprised and somewhat smug.

With a gasp, Mark manages, “Put down…the morphine…you dick.”

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Comments (8 so far!)

Average Reader Rating

  1. Avatar Jae

    Ok, I was expecting this to be a race for the last cold beer or something. Instead it’s far more particular, if not deadly serious. What prompted this scenario?

  2. Avatar Cariad Ceffyl

    So totally did not see that coming-

  3. Ahfl_icon THX 0477

    This one I just started writing to see where it went. In the end it’s a fictionalized rendition of events surrounding my cousins and my grandfather’s death.

  4. Avatar Ross MacKenzie Crawford

    An excellent story. I agree with Jae and Cariad – this takes an unexpectedly dark turn, but upon re-reading it, the true atmosphere is more apparent from the start. There is some very clever word use for the observant first-time reader!

  5. Avatar HSAR

    I really enjoyed the description of the sun as a pitiless, burning eye.

  6. Avatar ElshaHawk (LoA)

    Wow, what a race! First, the heat and the desert description are spot on, creating tension. Then, the conclusion amps up the adrenaline. I have a feeling Robbie and Mark will scuffle.

  7. Avatar inky blue

    I love the imagery and the noise of the rhythm of his run. Such beautiful description :)

  8. Avatar gafroel

    Marvelous!

    I enjoyed the fast pace tone that is reflected in some of the sentence structure. It helps create tension within the story and creates a weird time limit which kept me curious to see what would be.

    The surprise doubled my intrigue! It has the elements of a good plot—every event raises more questions than it answers. We got one answer—now we have 5 more.

    Nice job!