Ok, I was expecting this to be a race for the last cold beer or something. Instead it’s far more particular, if not deadly serious. What prompted this scenario?

So totally did not see that coming-

This one I just started writing to see where it went. In the end it’s a fictionalized rendition of events surrounding my cousins and my grandfather’s death.

An excellent story. I agree with Jae and Cariad – this takes an unexpectedly dark turn, but upon re-reading it, the true atmosphere is more apparent from the start. There is some very clever word use for the observant first-time reader!

I really enjoyed the description of the sun as a pitiless, burning eye.

Wow, what a race! First, the heat and the desert description are spot on, creating tension. Then, the conclusion amps up the adrenaline. I have a feeling Robbie and Mark will scuffle.

I love the imagery and the noise of the rhythm of his run. Such beautiful description :)

Marvelous!

I enjoyed the fast pace tone that is reflected in some of the sentence structure. It helps create tension within the story and creates a weird time limit which kept me curious to see what would be.

The surprise doubled my intrigue! It has the elements of a good plot—every event raises more questions than it answers. We got one answer—now we have 5 more.

Nice job!