Jesus is coming, look busy....

Avatar Author: Construct of a Mind I work for a technology company. I'm the primary designer. However, I've aspired (for a while now) to write. And I finally have an outlet for my small bursts of creativity. Read Bio

“He’s coming,” said the voice.
“Who?” I asked.
“Jesus is coming,” said the voice. I chuckled.
I should look busy, then? I laughed. That bumper sticker is awesome.
“He can’t come back until your father lets him,” said the voice. “Your father is stopping the return of Jesus.” Concern filled me. My father?
“How is he stopping Jesus?” I asked.
“He is stopping him,” is all that the voice would say.
“What do I do?”
“You have to stop your father.”

Later that night, I took a knife out of the kitchen. It was large. At least 8 inches long. Dad was watching TV, enjoying a beer. I walked up behind him.

“Dad, let us bring back Jesus,” I said.
At first, I didn’t think he’d heard me. Then he muted the TV. Slowly, he got up from his chair and turned to me. The look of concern when he saw the knife startled me.

“Son? What’s wrong?” he asked, voice wavering. I stepped forward and slashed, spreading crimson all over the wall.

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Comments (6 so far!)

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  1. Avatar .:Band Baby:.

    wha- oh… my… beautifully told. creepy and alluring. sequel please?

  2. Avatar Construct of a Mind

    This story is actually based on a news story I watched a few years back. Kid killed his father because “Jesus” told him to. Scary.

  3. Avatar The Note Writer

    I’m depressed now.

  4. Avatar Fyora Cartagan

    Oh wow…
    Very well-written, and I always love a good schizophrenic.

  5. Avatar John Perkins

    It would read better if you put the internal dialog in italics. This lets the reader know that the main character is thinking. I’m pretty sure both “the bumper sticker is awesome,” and “my father?” are both pieces of internal dialog. It would be more clear if they were italicized.

    Overall, this is a well told story of a very disturbed young man. Believing in Jesus. Craziness. =P

  6. Avatar Construct of a Mind

    Thanks, all, for the comments. Mr. Perkins, I took your advice, and now it does read much more clearly. Thanks again!

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