If At First You Don't Succeed...

Avatar Author: Eloquent Mess {(LoA)} I'm an English Major at ODU in Virginia, working to become a professional author. Read Bio

“This is WFCY’s Nights with Norm. I’m Norman Reilly and you’re on the air!”

“Hello, Norm.”

“Hi, caller! What’s up?”

“Have you ever murdered someone, Norm?”

“Um… No, I can’t say I have!”

“It’s not like the movies. See, in the movies when a woman kills a man it’s kind of… sexy, you know? Like she’s the seductive Black Widow and he’s the unsuspecting mark. There’s a sexuality to it.”

“Go ahead.”

“Well, I mean, it’s over too quickly and the emotion is all wrong. Maybe I just didn’t do it right.”

“You’re telling me you murdered someone?”

“Yes, Norm. About an hour ago in the park. Cute guy, walking his dog. Nothing like in the movies, though…”

“I’m… I”m sure it wasn’t…"

“But I’m thinking, you know, maybe I just need practice, right? Maybe next time it’ll be more sexy, like in the movies… What do you think, Norm?”

“I don’t think murder can be sexy. It’s inhuman.”

“Is it? Don’t know if I agree. Say, do you think people can tell when they’re being watched, Norm?”



View this story's details


Oh no! This story doesn't have a prequel. Want to fill in the blanks and write one?


Oh no! This story doesn't have a sequel. Want to fill in the blanks and write one?

Comments (11 so far!)

Average Reader Rating

  1. Avatar ElshaHawk (LoA)

    haha, way to shut up the talk radio guy! hope she called from a pay phone…

  2. Avatar K-Jellybean

    Oh no! They found me out! ::shifty eyes::

    (5 pencils, amigo for a job well done)

  3. Avatar Coccinella

    I don’t believe that thing about never writing endings… you’re rattling them off by the dozen!!

  4. Avatar gĀ²LaPianistaIrlandesa

    Geez, this is one shifty radio station! Two implied murders and some mysterious occurence on a paticular Wednesday. I like the way you pulled this off; I could hear the rather perky host, the sketchy voice on the other end, and the instant dissapation of any enthusiasm from his voice.

  5. Avatar Marli

    I’m watching my back. Creepy Almost as creepy as ‘Play Misty For Me’

  6. Avatar Eloquent Mess {(LoA)}

    I appreciate the comments! I feel quite inspired. It’s been quite a while since I’ve felt that way.

  7. Avatar Mighty-Joe Young (A.K.A Strong Coffee)(LoA)

    yeah what your feeling right now is called ficly high, see my theory is that it is not actually the art but the praise that is causing your brain to release endorphins. Thx has taught a system to where that feel back will come indefinitely. it is called the ten to one method i practice it myself and it leaves no ficly i have ever wrote unread. For every one you write comment on ten and you will be awesome awesome to the tenth power. that is my noob advise. you are doing great. You rock.

  8. Avatar tas_13

    hell, you’re too good for a novice!haha, i enjoyed reading this one! it’s like im having goosebumps!!

    i’ll give you 5 pencils!!

    excellent job!


  9. Avatar Stovohobo

    @ MJY: I’m a little far away from meeting the quota…I need 102 more comments before I write another story. And I thought I was doing so well!

    The story is pretty good; I don’t think it’s your best work though. Seems a little cliched in the dialogue—but the reference to the sexuality is nice. It’s a good bridge for readers to say, “huh, never noticed that…”

  10. Avatar mama murph (LoA)

    I like it!

  11. Avatar Eloquent Mess {(LoA)}

    This story has now been tied into my “Missing Mister Mess” series. Check it out here:


This story's tags are